Before Today
by toloveher
Summary: Time; 3 months. That's all it took.
1. 3 months

We have been going at this for 3 years today. Meaning that today, if we bothered to acknowledge it, would be our anniversary. I don't know if she knows- she most likely doesn't- but she knows that I notice these things. Knows that I actually give a fuck about this. She doesn't bother to talk to me about it though- she never does. She always just tells me the same things; to give her time, that it's too soon, or she just plain out doesn't want to talk about. Am I surprised? No. Am I getting restless? Yes.

I've given her time. Three years is a lot of time, in my opinion. Maybe not in her mind, but mine and possibly the rest of the world. Unfortunately, hers is the only one that matters.

"What're you doing here?" She doesn't sound mad, just curious. It's Ashley. _Her_. She thought I was at work. "I thought you'd be at work."

See.

She wraps her arms around me from behind and nuzzles her face into my neck. I can't help but crumble into a huge smile, because seriously, who couldn't smile to that? Not me.

"Decided to take the day off," I turn around and wrap my arms around her neck. She smiled and wraps her arms around my waist a bit tighter. She doesn't mind this; the affection, that is. Not here. "I need to talk to you about something."

She's giving me that look now. That _uh oh_ look. The kind of look that's like _uh oh shits about to go down._ She sighs, because we all know she's good at it, and picks me up bridal style. She's got me again- swooning and smiling as she drops me onto the couch.

"Alrighty," she kneels down in front of me. "What do you want to talk about?"

She knows. She always knows. I bring it up every year. Probably doesn't know what else is to come though.

"Three years," I bite my lip. She just looks at me blankly. I can tell when she's playing dumb, and now is the time. She's a music producer, not an actress.

"What?" Exactly.

I roll my eyes. This is almost routine. "You know what, Ashley."

She sighs and puts her hands on her knees. "I know."

Now it's my turn to sigh. That's all I'm going to be getting out of her tonight. "Fine then. My parents are going to come in a week or so."

Her eyebrows rise faster than I've ever seen them.

The thing is, Ashley and I are… roommates. To my parents, at least. Not exactly roommates though, considering I don't pay rent or anything, I just live here. I have no idea how they believe me that nothing is going on though; they've seen this place before, and even they can't afford it.

Another thing is they have no idea about my 'relationship' with Ashley (if you can even call it that). I don't even really know what's going on either, to be quite honest. It's fairly simple though; we're not together and I'm here for her to fuck me whenever she wants. The confusing thing is she treats me like her girlfriend, ultimately. When we're together, we act like we're together, and she's just… mine, Sometimes. In a relationship? She doesn't call me her girlfriend. Fuck buddies? I'm living with her. Friends with benefits? You can't just be friends with the person you're in love with.

I'm out and proud to everyone else out there in the world, just not the Carlin bunch. That stand will only last until… next week.

See, I'm dating Ashley Davies. Well, no, more like fucking Ashley Davies. But I am living with her. She's a big shot music producer, and her sisters are known for being the new Party Girls. Therefore, Ashley is constantly in the media. She's out, and the media has already speculated about our 'relationship' ever since they got pictures of Ashley and I holding hands walking out of a club. So our 'relationship' is a secret. Only our circle of friends know, including Ashley's family and such. I'm secretly hoping that the media is the main reason why Ashley won't ever fully commit. Considering that I'm living with her, I love her, and I'm the only one she's having sex with (as far as I know). She just doesn't want to… be with me. Be my girlfriend. I want to believe she's just protecting me. Just respecting my wishes that I don't want my parents to know. I don't know though. I suppose we'll see.

"I want to tell them."

Her face just twitches a little, which is not exactly the way I thought she'd react.

"Well," she takes my hand in hers. "You know I'm always here for you."

"Ashley, when I tell my parents I'm gay, I want to tell them I'm in love with you."

Her eyes, surprisingly, don't falter a bit. Not even for a second. She squeezes my hand a bit though, and I know that that's not a good sign at all.

"We're not together Spencer," she says, kind of sadly. I bite my tongue before I reply with _yeah I think I fucking got that by now._ "What if they tell someone?"

"What, that I'm gay?"

"That you're fucking me."

I take a step back at that. I know everything is the fucking same when it all comes down to it, but I hate the way she had to word that. She said fucking. I'm not 12 years old, so I don't give a fuck if she said fucking or not in that sense. It's just that fact that she should of said something like 'about you and me' or 'that you're with me'. But she didn't, because in reality, I'm not.

And at this moment, I just don't care anymore.

"I want what I want, Ashley."

She's going to play dumb again.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

See. I know her too well.

"You know what that means."

She sighs at that, making me feel gruelingly good. She knows she's defeated. Knows that I know her well enough to see through her.

She won't ever admit it though.

"Just," she looks down. Her hands are dripping my knees now. "Give me time, Spence."

"I've given you lots of time, Ashley."

She almost rolls her eyes, but she catches herself. She knows that every girl on the face of the planet would be offended at that.

"I can't do-"

"Three months."

I stop shaking my head for a bit to just look at her. She's staring straight at me, almost desperately.

"What?"

"Give me three months."

My eyes squint. Over our past three years, she has never set a date. A date to give me the okay to say goodbye probably.

"Really? Three months? You sure you don't need another three years?"

"Three months Spencer. If you're not officially my girlfriend by then, you'd have every right to just… leave. You already do, honestly."

I'm already her girlfriend, really. She just isn't mine. And again, when she says things that let me know that she knows I'm hurting, it fucks me up.

"Three months, Ash."

"That's all, babes."

I guess we'll have to see.


	2. Almost

**AN/WARNING: I bet you all wished that was an NC-17 warning, but it isn't. Sorry, loves. Anyways, this fic starts off a bit slow… kind of. So just bare with me.**

**Thank you for the feedback, I really appreciate it.**

**--**

"Would it kill you to watch where you're going?" were the first words I've heard come out of Ashley Davies' mouth.

"_Oh my gosh I'm so so sorry," I pressed my eyes tightly together as I smacked myself on the forehead, literally. Being the natural blonde that I am, I have a tendency to never look up as I'm walking, even when I'm walking into a very crowded Starbucks. Therefore, I have tendencies to bump into really hot random strangers. Strangers that are incredibly angry as well, it seems. You know what they say about coffee drinkers…_

_By the way, in the mist of all this, I managed to spill her tea- luckily it was cold (if that can even considered lucky) all over her._

_She sighed and just rolled her eyes before looking at me. Then she paused weirdly, and just stared at me like something just… clicked. Like she was trying to figure me out or something._

_She was definitely beautiful, no questions asked. Her eyes stood out more than anything though; a nice almond brown, matching her hair, which curled radiantly around her shoulders loosely, giving it an almost apathetic look. She rocked it though- considering her outfit matched her personality to a tee. She wore a white V neck, ending at the end of her cleavage (not that I was looking), blue skinny jeans and a black leather jacket. On top of it all, she wore a fedora on the back of her head._

"_No uhh," she smiled and scratched her head, almost looking shy. "No need to beat yourself up for it or anything."_

_I shook my head immediately, just because I'm a loser. "Yes yes, I do. Uhm, can I but you another drink or something? Seriously- it's the least I could do."_

_She laughed and scratched her head again. It was cute- almost even awkward. It amazed me how she could make awkward look so hot. "Uh sure, But I'm a little bit more interested in what comes after."_

_I died._

"What're you thinking?" snaps me out of my daydreams and back to her. I don't really think that I can really say that though, since even my daydreams consist of her. Oh well.

We're under the covers, both facing each other. The sun is starting to rise, but it's still that murky darkness, almost like blue all around. Enough for us to see each other though. She's gliding her fingertips along my arms, giving me the best of Goosebumps in the process.

"When we met," I raise my eyebrows at her for a reaction. She just chuckles and lies on her stomach, reminding me that she's shirtless. It doesn't falter me though; she rarely wears clothes when we're alone. She wraps her arms around my bare waist.

"Ah," she turns her face towards me. "You didn't know who I was."

"You were a stranger."

"Who everyone else sees me as," she smirked, not surprising me one bit.

"Well I know you now, don't I?" I push her curls behind her ear because I miss her face. In addition, she's looking embarrassingly cute right now so of course, I couldn't resist. "That's all that matters, right?"

"No," she shakes her head at me, smiling as she buries her head into the pillow.

"No?"

"No," she turns her head back at me. "It matters if you still know me for all the years to come, Blondie. You sticking with me to the frickin Jetson years matters the most to me."

I look her over again. She's being serious, even though she doesn't sound like it. She says these things often- these things being the most confusing part of our 'relationship'. These are the things she says that lead me to believe that she really is mine- that she's secretly planning our wedding- but I know she's not. I mean seriously, that's the kind of thing you tell to your _girlfriend_ right?

Ah, how I hate being in love.

So I just roll my eyes and decided to take the shot.

"Well, if that's all that matters, why don't you just… take the plunge and be with me?"

Does someone really need to 'take the plunge' to be with me? Damn.

"We talked about this, Spencer."

"I think I deserve an answer."

Scratch that, I know I do.

"There months, love. That's all I'm asking," she's in front of me now, her face just a few inches from mine. Her eyes are pouring into mine, and not surprisingly, I can't turn away.

And as always, I surrender.

"Tell me you love me Ashley."

Her mouth twitches slightly as she looks over my eyes for any sort of comfort. I know they don't offer any.

"Spencer, you know I…"

"I want to hear you say it."

"You know Spencer," she slowly kisses me; gently because she knows I can't resist it. "You know I do."

For a second, through her lips, I can feel it.


	3. Surprise

_Anyone still interested in this? I'm sorry I've been really MIA lately. It's just been really hard to write lately, so I'm just fueling on reviews and such._

_Anyways, enjoy._

_xxxx_

"Why hello there Darling," Christine, in all of her Christine Davies glory, wrapped me up in the biggest bear hug you could ever imagine (lifting me up off the floor in the process) and waltzed into Ashley and I's flat. I wasn't at all surprised really, since Christine made a habit of just showing up uninvited, since Ashley never checked her email. But she's Christine Davies, multi Oscar and golden globe winner, so she can do whatever the fuck she wants. "Now where is my god-awful daughter?"

I chuckled. Christine knows all about Ashley's and I's little affair thing we've got going on and the only problem she has with it is that we aren't actually together. She told me that Ashley had always been 'such a blind little girl.' "She's in the studio today."

"Ah," Christine shredded her coat off before rolling her eyes. "Lady Gaga today?"

"No uhm," I scratched my head. "Kesha."

She grimed. I smiled. "Yep, that was my reaction too."

"Well anyway," she started gliding across the room, stopping at the kitchen to grab a water bottle from the fridge. I just smiled and sat on one of our kitchen counters, with Christine now making a fruit salad in front of me. "How are you and my coward of a daughter?"

I smiled. "We're fine. She gave me a date."

She stopped cutting her apple and stared at me. "…. For your wedding day?"

I made a face. I fucking wish. "No, uh.. if we're not out to the world by the next three months, then it's done."

"Ah," she nodded. "I'm happy for you, Spencer. Finally setting your foot down with that girl. Good. I still can't see how you've managed to be so patient with her for these years. I'll be sure to tell my daughter that you are indeed, a keeper."

I laughed. I am for Ashley to keep. "She knows she has me, Christine."

She smiled at me. "And you have her. You know that by now, right? I know that Ashley can be a bit childish sometimes, but she does really love you. She just thinks that she doesn't know how. I'm probably at fault for that."

I made a face. "What do you mean?"

She looked up at me, her eyebrows raised. "She hasn't told you?"

I shook my head.

She just sighed, "One day she will, love. And you'll understand it a whole lot better. Trust me on that one. Don't worry about a thing, love. I'll make sure Ashley gets some courage soon. I think three months will be the perfect amount of time."

I certainly hope so.

xxxxx

I left once Ashley came home, so that Christine wouldn't have to be alone while I was gone. Christine wanted to take us both to lunch, but I had already made plans with Glen that I couldn't bail on. Ashley, of course, frowned and tried to get me to join because she's always afraid to be alone with her mom like one day Christine will just decide to kill her or something.

"Spencer I love you but you have to stop with this," Glen sat across from me, digging into his burger. A magazine with Ashley's name and picture was bolted on the cover. Not really surprising, If you think about it considering the Davies sisters were tabloid royalty right now. The only thing different was I was at her side, holding her hand and whispering into her ear; ASHLEY DAVIES: NEW BLONDE GIRLFRIEND?

I shrugged. "I'm not new, nor a girlfriend. I am blonde though."

Glen rolled his eyes. He has been supportive of Ashley and I's relationship ever since I got him a job and Ashley's record label. He's the only one in the family that knows about us. He adores Ashley really (even though he will never admit it) but he- like any other big brother in the world- hates Ashley and I's status of… relationship.

"Exactly," he snorted. "Why don't you like… I don't know, get someone else or something? Make her jealous so she can come to her senses."

I made a face. I had never thought of that. It sounded like a genius plan, in my opinion even though I'm not a reverse masochist that likes to hurt people for fun. Probably not for Ashley though, considering she was never knows to get jealous… over anything.

"I highly doubt that would work."

Glen shrugged. "You never know. Maybe it'll bring out the possessive side of her."

I made a face. Ashley and possessiveness were not things that went together. "I'm not even Ashley's girlfriend. Why would she be possessive over me?"

"We'll see, Spencer. But seriously, if you're planning on keeping your relationship with Ashley and your lesbianism a secret, you best be dykin it down a bit."

I just rolled my eyes.

_Thanks for the advice, bro._

_xxxxx_

"I'm home," I sighed as I set all of the various magazines Glen left me with. He always gives me the tabloids that have something to do with me or Ashley. He says it'll keep me updated and such. It'll keep my parents undated as well, hah. I walked into the living room, where Ashley and Christine say, watching TV and drinking red wine (Christine's all time favorite).

"Ah, Spencer! How I love to hear that sentence. We were just talking about you," Christine smiled at me and patted the square between her and Ashley. I couldn't help but smile. "Let's all have a little chat, shall we?"

"Mom…" Ashley rolled her eyes. She hates when people try to butt into her business, including her own mother. I just rolled my eyes playfully and sat on the floor near Ashley's legs.

"What? Can't a mother know whats going on in her own daughter's life?" Christine rolled her eyes and turned her body toward us. Managing to flip her hair in the process, she handed me her half empty wine glass. "Drink up, honey. You'll need to loosen up for what's to come."

"Mom!" Ashley sat up, making me grin. She was blushing. "This is not happening."

"Oh why not, honey?" Christine smiled and filled herself with another glass of wine. I downed the wine. "I'm sure we all don't have anything to hide. Why wou-"

_Ding Dong._

Christine looked at us with her eyebrows raised. Crazy Christine has a plan. This outta be fun. She got up and went to the kitchen. "Ah, you two invited some friends? Even better. We're gonna need more wine…"

Ashley rolled her eyes again and kissed my forehead. "I'll get it."

"Oh, if one of your friends is still at the car, tell them to go get more wine! Jesus Ashley, what kind of Davies are you, only owning three bottles of wine? With all that money you've got? What's wrong with you?"

I laughed while Ashley just rolled her eyes again. Christine had always been gracious with her daughter's lifestyles and choices. Ashley, whom is the oldest, pursed her career as a music producer, much to her Dad's joy. Kyla, the youngest, is a hippie by day and club hopper by night. She's always out saving the world with her Go Green! shits. By night, she's always out with _someone _famous in Hollywood. By day, she's always volunteering at some homeless shelter or at the humane society or something like that. Lana (the middle) who's the weird, mysterious party girl. Right now, she's the target of the tabloids, much to her and her father's dislike. I keep telling her its because she keeps deciding to date douches with rich parents, but she won't believe me. She just shrugs.

"Uh oh," Ashley said from the door. I got up, bringing my empty glass of wine with me.

"What's wrong?" I asked before looking at the door. Oh shit.

"Spencer!" my mom smiled at me, dropped her bags and gave me a hug. I just stood, speechless, not even hugging her back. I'm sure my face was still surprised as hell because she frowned once she pulled back. "What's wrong?"

"Mom," I scratched my head. Ashley just shut the door and looked like she didn't know what to do. Christine walked into the room (with her bottle of wine, of course) smiling brightly. "What're you doing here?"

"You must be Paula Carlin," Christine smiled and handed my mom a glass of wine. She grinned evilly, while Ashley looked she was about to kill her. My mom was utterly star struck though, considering that Christine had stared in all of her favorite movies. "I'm Christine Davies. Ah, this is going to be so much fun!"

Ashley rolled her eyes and introduced herself to my mother, being the polite Davies she is. All of the Davies sisters were polite as hell. Christine must have raised them right. I was still too shocked to say anything. I only snapped out of it when I noticed Ashley leading my mom, who was talking about countless movies Christine was in, into the living room.

Christine stood in front of me, smiling brightly and refilling my glass of wine. "Drink up, Spencer. It's going to be a long night."


	4. Jewel

"So did you want to tell me about it now, or are you going to wait until we still down?" Ashley smiled at me as we walked down the strip. It was only about 10:00AM so everyone was at work or school or something of that function. I knew she'd bring this up.

_"It's so nice to meet you, Mrs. Davies. I'm serious, it's a full blown honor," my mom's smile was at its pinpoint; at the highest I have ever seen. Well, I shouldn't really be surprised though, considering Christine is her idol. I do, though, have the right to be surprised that she's even here- considering that she lives in fricken Ohio and not Los Angeles. Talk about surprise visit, for Christ's sake. _

_After high school, I left to go to film school in L.A, leaving my family behind in the process. I went out there alone, not really knowing how I was going to get by, with the exception of the check my mom would send me every two weeks. I was in the dorms of UCLA for about 6 months of my freshman year when I met Ashley. And like the stereotypical lesbians we are, I moved in about 3 months later. (Glen came during my sophomore year) When I told my mom, she was... happy, actually. She was glad that i had made at least one friend and that I was set on my feet. I don't have any clue how she thinks that I can afford this huge ass flat with no income whatsoever, considering I'm a full time student. She probably thinks i have a job, which i don't. She knows I'm living with Ashley Davies, whom she hasn't really heard of considering my mom probably categorizes her with Paris Hilton or something. She definitely knows Christine though, obviously, since Christine was a very popular actress in her and my mom's time, even in the present. She's still making movies, surprisingly. Anyway, my mom has never visited me since i moved out here. All the holidays, I went to go see them. and now, not even on a formal holiday, she's here to see me._

_And my sorta kinda girlfriend that she has no clue about, nor does she have any clue that her one and only daughter is in fact, a lesbian._

_Christine just smiled in delight. She loved this kind of stuff. She told me all about it. "Oh, Paula, thank you. But please, call me Christine. You make me actually feel my age when you call me Mrs. Davies."_

_I don't think my mom comprehended what Christine said, because she didn't even falter one bit. "Oh god, that'd be so weird! Spencer, you never told me that you knew Christine Davies!"_

_I bit my lip. I never thought of mentioning it. How often do people talk about their __roommate's__ parents? "Uh, it slipped my mind."_

_Ashley came back in with the rest of Christine's red wine (upon Christine's request), refilled Paula's glass and sat down on the couch next to me. _

_"You've got a lovely daughter, Paula," Christine smiled at Ashley evilly, who's eyes had gotten bigger by the inches. "I've actually had the joy of spending time with her a few times actually. It was nice, really. She's obviously got a beautiful face, and also a beautiful mind. You must have done a very good job raising her. She's definitely a keeper, that's for sure."_

_Ashley deadpanned, almost making me chuckle but I couldn't because I know my mom and she wouldn't let it go until she understood what was so funny. My mom didn't really know what to say i guess, because all she did was smile even wider so i guess all she was thinking was 'oh my, Christine Davies is complementing me?' because she started on countless thank yous and such. _

_I'm surprised she didn't notice that 'keeper' comment._

_"Oh my, why thank you! I never in my wildest dreams thought I'd ever get a compliment from Christine Davies!" my mom even looked flushed while she took a sip of wine. Ashley just smiled and looked down at her hands beside me. "And I've read much about your daughters, lovely girls."_

_That's a lie, hah. I know my mom didn't know who Ashley was. When I told her she literally said 'who?"_

_Ashley's eyebrows raised immediately, even though she was looking at the ground, "Why thank you, Mrs. Carlin."_

_"Mhm," Christine smiled proudly. Without a doubt, Christine was always more proud of her daughters than she was her oscars, golden globes, or anything of that matter. "My girls. Kyla is out saving people, one hobo at a time. Lana ha, that girl, she still doesn't know what she wants to do with her life. She says that she wants to be an actress like her mom, so i think she can make it. Even Ashley here has got her own record label."_

_My mom took her eyes of Christine for the first time o look at Ashley. "Wow, that must be so exciting. How's that going for you?"_

_Ashley brought her head back up, probably surprised my mom had gotten out of her fame bubble. "Oh, it's fantastic, Mrs. Carlin. Thank you for asking. How's the medical field going?"_

_My mom literally was taken back from Ashley's politeness. She was flustered with her answer even, "It is what it is, I suppose. I mean, it's going good. How did you know that I'm a doctor?"_

_"Oh," Ashley scratched the back of her head. "Spencer talks about her family all the time. She told me about the stories on the farm and such. It was cute."_

_My mom smiled, which surprised me. She looked around the room. "Wow, this flat is gorgeous! How can you afford it, Spencer?"_

_"Oh uh," I scratched my head and contemplated whether to lie or not. Lying about a job would be too difficult. Plus, what the hell kind of part time job could afford this? "Uh, Ashley is covering my rent for now, mom."_

_She made a face like she had never heard of that before. "Covering?"_

_"Yes. Like, paying for me."_

_"So you're just staying here and she's paying all of the bills for you?"_

_Fuck. Saying yes is going to sound so bad. "Yes."_

_She nodded, slowly. Like she was really trying to get her head wrapped around the matter. "O... kay. That's odd, but okay."_

"Tell you what?" I bit my lip. Since Ashley and I aren't out as a couple _yet and the fact that I'm not even out of the closet yet_, we can't really hold hands in public without it turning into a big deal. And believe me, it's tough to watch her hands and not be able to hold them. As gay and creepy as that sounds...

"About why your mom just suddenly moved in with us?" Ashley smiled and pushed her sunglasses farther up her face.

"She's being a good mom."

"A mom that doesn't know that her precious little perfect daughter is actually a lesbian?"

Bring on the eye roll. The love of my life; the oh so charming one.

"You're right."

"What?"

"I am precious."

She rolled her eyes, smiling. I smile just at the sight of it.

Yeah, that's how hung I am.

My smile immediately drops when she grabs my hand though.

"Yeah babe," she threw our interlocked fingers into the air, causing me to stop walking and face her. "Gabourey Sidibe's got nothing on you."

I look over at the paparazzi, whom are just snapping away. "Ash, they are-"

"I don't care," she smiles and looks me right in the eye. "You're my jewel."

Now if only she could kiss me.

Xxxxx

"So what did you want to talk about?" My mom sat down next to me, throwing her arm around the back of the couch. "You know, this is my first time in California, Spencer. I'm sure we could have talked about this at the beach or at lunch or something."

"No, Mom. I think this'll be best… indoors."

She shrugged and took a sip of her wine. She's been drinking wine ever since she met Christine. I think she thinks it'll up her chances of getting to hang out with her or something. "Oh well, this is wine is lovely. Do you want some? I can't believe I only discovered the power of this stuff now! I knew I should have listened to my girlfriends when they suggested it."

I nodded, sighing. "Yeah, Christine really loves it."

"Mhm," she refilled her glass. I guess now I know what to get her for Christmas. "Spencer, since when are you on a first name basis with Christine Davies? You never even told me you knew her! You know she's my favorite."

"You don't even know her, Mom. And she insisted I call her Christine ever since I met her."

She sighed and rolled her eyes. "Well, what did you want to talk about? I missed you so much, you know. That's why I came down to see you. Dad and Clay should be coming in about a week or so-"

"Wait, Mom. What're you talking about?"

"Oh, I didn't tell you? Your Dad and Clay are coming too, of course. Don't be silly, Spence. He's just on a business trip right now, but he and Clay will fly down once he's done."

Oh fuck, I sighed. "Okay, Mom. But there's something I you need to know-"

"Are you hiding something from me, Spencer?" She sat up. "You know I hate secrets. You know there was one time…"

"Mom, I'm gay." A whisper.

"Your Aunt Helena kept a secret about her affair with your Uncle Tommy. No one knew-"

"Mom, I'm in love with Ashley." Another whisper.

"Until after one year! One whole year and no one ever knew, do you believe that? Hell, I have-"

"Mom."

"Been with your father-"

"Mom, I'm gay." Regular and heard. "I've been with Ashley for three years now.

You want to know what the sad part of this is? The sad part is that rather than worrying about my mother's reaction, I'm more upset at the fact that I can't say 'Ashley is my girlfriend.'

I can only hope for two seconds that I'm still my mom's jewel as well.


	5. Enough

My mom didn't react.

She had heard me, definitely heard me. I had been loud and clear, and she was staring at me, so she definitely heard me. How could she not? Maybe she just didn't want to hear it. Or maybe she didn't know how to hear it. Maybe she didn't hear it at all. Maybe she's going deaf and she hasn't told me yet. Maybe.

She definitely heard it.

Because then, she just started shaking her head in that 'oh girl, please' way that Tyra Banks had officially mastered. "No, no that's not true."

My face fell. This was exactly what I was afraid of. "Mom, don't be like that, please."

She looked at me and put down her glass of wine, "Spencer, you're not gay. No child of mine is gay."

I sighed. I knew this would happen, considering we still have so many close minded followers out there. I never thought one of those people would be my mother though. "Mom, I am. Ashley is my..."

"Exactly," she shook her head. "You can't even label it. See, Spencer, it would be easier for you with a boy. See? There are no difficulties of labeling the person you love."

"Mom," I shook my head. This was going to be harder than I thought. "It's a bit more complicated than that."

"What does that mean?" She looked almost disgusted. "You would have no problem naming Ashley your partner, or your girlfriend, if there were no complications. Isn't that right, Spencer? But you didn't, so there must be something wrong in this. In fact, it all is, Spencer. It's all wrong."

She shook her head at me one last time, and stood up, grabbing her purse and suitcase with her. My heart, literally, broke. I stood up immediately, wiping the tears I didn't notice that ran down my face, off. "Mom, what're you doing?"

"I have to go Spencer," she walked to the door. I just followed. I had no fight left in me anymore. "I'll stay at a hotel or something. I'll call you tomorrow."

The door shut, with my mother- who I could only assume did not think of me as her jewel anymore.

So I stood there, for I don't know how long, just staring at the door. This is how it will always be.

"Come here," I felt Ashley's arms wrap themselves around my neck from behind, pushing me into her. "It'll be okay, okay Spence? I promise."

I wiped my tears and stepped away from her. "Were you there the entire time?"

She looked almost hurt, with her arms still in the air and such. Blushing, she put them down, "Uh, yeah. I came in through the back. I didn't want to disturb or anything."

"And you didn't even think about helping me, at all?"

Her mouth opened for a bit, but no words came out at first. "I thought that you'd want to do that kind of thing on your own. I don't know, I just thought that it'd be good for you."

"Good for me? How could the events leading to my mother walking out on me is good for me?"

She shook her head and took a step toward me, her arms out. "I'm sorry, Spencer. I just thought, when I came out, I just wanted to do it alone, you know? I thought that'd it'd be the same for you, but I guess not. I should have helped you. I'm sorry."

I was on a roll. "Did you hear what she said?"

She made a face and stepped back, dropping her arms once she noticed that I wouldn't be stepping into them any time soon. "Hear what?"

"What my mother said."

"Of course, but I was asking which part."

"About our relationship," I folded my arms. "My mom, who has absolutely no idea about our relationship, knows that there is something wrong. Only after what? About 24 hours of knowing you, she already knows something is wrong."

She sighed. "Spencer, I wouldn't see it like that."

"Then how would you see it, Ashley? Because I really can't understand it right now. And I haven't, Ashley. I haven't understood for three years now."

"I see it as that I'm happy, okay Spencer?" She gestured toward herself. "I see it as that I'm completely and totally happy with you and that in itself is enough for me. Having you is enough for me. Why can't that ever be enough for you?"

"Because it's not enough," Tears started raining again. "Even my mom knows, Ashley. I want to be able to call you my girlfriend; I want to be able to plan for us, as a couple. Not as roommates, not as fuckbuddies, not as anything less than being lovers. Nothing less, Ashley."

She shook her head, her eyes were glistening. "It's not who I am, Spencer. I just need time. Can't you get that?"

I shook my head, walking toward the door just like my mom did less than 5 minutes ago. "I'll never get it, Ashley. I'll have Kyla pick up my stuff later."


	6. Judge

**AN: For viewing purposes (If this were a movie) Lana Davies would be played by Kaya Scodelario.**

What is the purpose of doing anything in life, if no one ever sees it? How could anything possible matter at all if no one ever takes the grace and sees it? What if you loved someone-Does it matter if the person you love doesn't feel it? What does the love mean then? Is it a lesser love? Or maybe even a stronger love because of the ability to endure the pain of being the only one? Or does it mean nothing at all? What if something means absolutely everything to you, but when you do that very thing for someone else, it doesn't matter? Does it still mean something then?

Kyla and Lana Davies; the youngest heirs of the Davies' family train and by default- the wildest. Lana is the quiet one, though. She's... for lack of better word, mysterious. In the way that makes it attractive, of course. She's pretty much impossible to figure out; making her image even hotter. Kyla is the eco friendly freak that's out saving the world every second. She's always telling me about her _Go Green! _stuff and about how we could live more greenly, so to speak. The weird one, basically.

I'm staying with them. I couldn't bare staying with my mom, and none of my friends could afford it, considering they all live in dorms. They were my last choice, considering that they ARE Ashley's sisters and all. But they're of course, the one I have to go with.

"Oh Spencer," Christine frowns at me once she walks through her daughter's door- only to find me on the couch sipping the tea that Kyla made me in one of her Go Green cups, while Kyla hides all of the wine they have in the kitchen. Lana is at Ashley's getting my stuff. Christine sits on the lazy boy in front of me. "What happened?"

I put my tea down, "I put my foot down. Too bad nothing happened though."

She slapped my knee optimistically. "I'm happy for you, Spencer. What did she say?"

"She said that it's complicated."

She shook her head, "What's so complicated about being in love?"

"Everything," I shrugged, smiling sadly. Christine sighed and looked over at Kyla, who was walking into the living room with her cup of tea. "Thanks for letting me stay, Ky."

"Spencer please," Kyla sat on the coffee table. "You stay as long as you want. I've had strangers sleep here for Christ's sake. It'd be nice to have a friend for a change."

I nodded and looked down at my cup of tea.

"Here," Lana walked into the living room with a sack on her shoulder. She handed it over to me, "This is all I could take. She wouldn't let me take the rest."

I almost smiled.

Christine and Kyla smiled for me.

"Well I guess we all still know she loves you," Lana scratched her head and sat next to Christine. She took out an envelope. "This is for you."

She handed me the letter. I just eye the letter, which is probably why Kyla took it for me.

"Well it's not typed," she traced the _To Spencer_ on the cover of the envelope. "It's her handwriting."

I nodded. Ashley had never written me a letter before. Kyla handed it to me.

"Are you going to take her back?" Kyla frowned at me while Christine held my hand.

I sighed, "She knows the conditions."

She better work fast.

xxxxxx

Kyla and Lana live in a house. To me, it's surprising since I highly doubt the whole _living with my sister thing _is permanent. It's probably Kyla's idea though- considering she's always taking care of someone. The house has 4 bedrooms that each has their own bathroom. Two stories, a pool, and a guest house. They told me that they'd give me the guest house, but according to Lana, Kyla is 'running a fucking zoo in there' with all the stray animals she took in. I don't mind at all.

Ashley doesn't know I'm staying here. When Lana picked up my stuff, she told Ashley that she didn't know where I was. I don't know how Ashley fell for it though- considering Lana was picking up MY stuff. She could have been stealing it for Christ's sake.

So right now, I'm laying in bed, on the phone waiting for my mother to answer my phone call.

"Hello?" She sounded normal.

"Hey Mom," I sighed. "I was just calling to check how you are."

She sighed on the other line, "I'm sorry, Spencer."

I immediately sat up, "For what?"

"I don't expect you to understand," she sighed again. I just laid back down, I knew that was too good to be true. "Spencer, you only had two boyfriends in high school- How could you possibly know... that?"

"Just the same as how you know you love Daddy."

"Well I don't know all the time."

I rolled my eyes. She's turning into Christine. "I know all the time, Mom. Could we maybe talk about this in person, please?"

She sighed. "Fine. We'll talk."

xxxxx

The next thing I know, I'm sitting in ihop nervous as hell wondering if it's bad that I'm nervous as hell. But surprisingly, when my mom arrives, she hugs me- not a real hug, more like Miley Cyrus hugging Chelsea Handler- but it's enough to remind me that she loves me.

My mom sighed once she sat down, eyeing the menu. "Are you going to eat anything?"

I can't handle eating right now. "No."

She nodded once the waitress came. She ordered a ham and cheese omelet- which she always gets- with a short stack of pancakes and toast on the side. I just ordered coffee. She was eyeing the waitress, whom name-tag read 'Erica', whom was an obvious lesbian who you could notice from a mile away. In my opinion, that is.

Not everyone has gaydar, obviously.

My mom cleared her throat. "Is she a lesbian?"

I looked back at Erica, whom was currently chatting up a cute red head in the next booth. "Yes."

She made a face. "How can you tell?"

I shrugged, "You can just tell, Mom."

She sighed and looked back to Erica, who was still chatting up the red head. "I suppose. Not with everyone though, obviously."

I shrugged as Erica brought back our drinks.

"How's... Ashley?" I looked up to that. SHe was looking straight at me. She actually wanted to know.

"We're not together anymore," I took a sip of my coffee. "I'm staying with Kyla and Lana."

Her face was confused now. "Why?"

I almost rolled my eyes, "It's complicated."

"Do you love her?"

I nodded immediately, looking down and playing with a sugar packet, "I do."

She nodded, looking down as Erica brought our food. I put my chin on the table. She pushed her side of pancakes toward me, reminding me just how hungry I am.

"Here, I got this and the toast for you. I knew you'd be hungry."

I smiled.

At least my mom still loves me.

xxxxx

After a surprisingly pleasant lunch, my mom and I met up with Glen, who was beyond happy about my 'dumping' of Ashley. He claimed that he was a bit worried though, because the whole 'sister dumping the boss' thing was never good for an employee. He apparently couldn't let Mom stay with him though, because he was in the process of having his girlfriend move in with him, so he 'didn't want mom on the first nights of being official.'

But now I'm back home, laying in bed again, eyeing the letter Ashley wrote me. Of course, I want to read it but of course, I don't. 'What if' are horrible words put together.

"Kyla," Ashley's voice. Fuck's sake, even when I move out, I can still hear her voice. "Kyla, Lana, Let me the fuck in!"

I left my room and walked over to the stair case, which had a perfect view of the living room- where Ashley was currently roaming around, obviously drunk, with her tank top ripped and her hair messy. Kyla just looked pissed, walking into the kitchen to probably make Ashley some coffee or organic tea.

"Ashley, Could you be quieter please? Lana and Rugby are sleeping."

Rugby is Kyla's dog.

"I fucked it up Kyla," Ashley. "I fuck fuck fucked it up."

She giggled, making me roll my eyes.

"Yes Ashley," I could hear Kyla stirring Ashley's coffee. "You certainly did."

"I love her," Ashley. I looked down. "You know that, yeah? I do, okay? I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. I do."

My eyebrows rose.

"Oh please Ashley," I could hear Kyla's eye roll. "Stop talking about that. You love her, you do something. Now, Ashley. Not next year, not in three months. Now."

Ashley kept on with how much she loved me, but I walked back into my room. I didn't want to hear it. If she couldn't say it directly to me, it wasn't worth hearing. I didn't want to hear it, not from someone else.

So I sat on my bed and opened the letter;

_Dear Spencer,_

_As much as I hate to be a stupid cliché, I feel the need to write this to you. But in all honesty, I can't find the right words to say. I wish that I could say this to you in person, but I don't think that I would ever be able to actually find the guts to do so. Spencer, I know that I'm the biggest asshole on Earth and that I screwed it all up, but I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything. I woke up this morning and just the sunshine is making me think of you. I came home tonight, and I realized that it's not my favorite thing to do anymore- not with you not there. Because then, I was doing what I really wanted to do; coming home to you._

_Love, Ashley._


	7. A Ball

**AN: For the Skins lovers as well, Effy is my inspiration for Lana. I loved Effy in Skins, and I thought that Kaya could have passed as a Davies' sister as well.**

**Anyways, I think you guys are gonna like this chapter, hopefully.**

**Enjoy~**

The St. Marks ball is by far the smallest, and of course, the classiest ball you'd ever imagine. To me, it even beats Cinderella and all that other shit. It's basically a ball- just like Disney- that celebrates peace and unity as one. Christine co-plans it so of course, Kyla is all over it. It's hard to get into though, just because Christine likes to keep it classy by keeping the guest list short. There are usually only about 75 people that attend every year and I have been to 3 of them- one for each year I had been with Ashley. The great thing about the St. Marks ball is that everyone there is completely remarkable. NO one there is fake, or is there just for show- they're all there because they genuinely love to help people.

But even though I opposed to go this year- for obvious reasons- Christine is making me go because she already bought the dress for me, apparently. So here I am- at Kyla and Lana's- in the dress sitting on my bed or three days.

"You're okay with coming tonight, right?" Lana is in my room too, sitting by the window smoking a cigarette because Kyla doesn't let her smoke at all in the house. She blows the smoke out the window, "You know Ashley will be there."

I just shrugged, "There's no reason to fuss about this. I'm going to have to see her sooner or later if I want to get my stuff."

She shrugged, "Still. This isn't exactly a requirement in life. You don't have to go."

I nodded, fumbling with my dress. "Eh, whatever. It's not that big of a deal to me. We'll see what happens, I guess."

She nodded and quickly threw her cigarette out the window once she heard footsteps.

"Oh my god," Christine smiled once she walked in with Kyla to her side. She and Kyla were clad in their dresses as well. They looked like Davies beauties. "You both look beautiful. All of you do."

I smiled. Christine would be the best mother in law in the world, honestly. Without a doubt. "You look incredible, Christine."

Her smile widened if that was even possible. The out of nowhere, she frowned. "Uhm, Ashley is downstairs."

Lana rolled her eyes, which didn't surprise me one bit, while Kyla just made a face. Christine smiled oddly and continued, "But the limo is here and you know Ashley, so she'll be taking her car instead."

I do know Ashley. She never dresses up for the St. Marks ball; she just throws on a white button up and some slacks. Mainly because she works for the St. Marks organization so when she's at the ball, she's technically working.

So with no surprise, when I go downstairs, I find her sitting on the couch, clad in her white button down and slacks. She looks different though; more tired. Older.

Or maybe it's just me.

"Wow," she says once she looks up at me.

"What?"

"You really are beautiful." She looks down for a bit, kind of like how people do so at funerals. She sighs though, once she notices her family flood down the staircase.

And just like that, we're not in our own world anymore.

xxxxx

Once we arrive at the ball, nothing is different. It's the same old, same old stuff you'll always see at the St. Mark's ball. Same people talking about the world, peace, and human rights and such. Nothing different. Except the fact that I'm not with Ashley. And like the creepy stalker I am, I'm watching her anyway. Ashley's been with her best friend Aiden the entire time. Aiden is her old band mate, and has been her best friend since they sat next to each other in third grade. He just got married (which was the reason why their band split up in the first place) so I'm surprised that he's not with his wife.

"Staring is never polite," Lana smiled at me. "Unless you're admiring, I guess."

I rolled my eyes. Lana and I were standing in the back being weirdos while we wait for Christine and Kyla to come back to us.

"I'm not staring, Lana."

"You're looking very intensely though."

I sighed. "I'm not, Lana."

"You miss her."

"No, I don't."

"Yes, you do."

I rolled my eyes and looked over at Christine, whom was walking over back to us without Kyla, but Ashley and Aiden with her. My eyes widened. "Oh fuckidy fuck."

"What?" Lana's eyes followed to where mine were. She chuckled, "Oh shit."

"Hello my favorite girls," Christine smiled at us, who which Ashley rolled her eyes (not that I was looking or anything). She turned toward Ashley and Aiden. "These two just wanted to say hi."

Aiden smiled at us. "Hello, Lana. Spencer. It's nice to see you both again."

Lana and I smiled, "Hi Aiden."

Christine pushed Aiden into Lana's arms, whom just made a disgusted face as some weird slow European song comes on, "Oh my slow song! Let's all dance."

She pushed me into Ashley's arms and threw us onto the dance floor. I froze, and so did Ashley, whom looked over at Aiden who was stiffly dancing with Lana.

I sighed and looked over at Christine, who was now dancing with Kyla. There's no getting out of this now. "Let's just get on with this, Ashley."

"I didn't think you'd come," Ashley looked down at me while she wrapped her arms around my waist and I wrapped her arms around her neck. "I thought you had with the Davies clan and their shit."

I sighed. "No. I'm still here."

"Kyla is actually dancing with my mom. I'm starting to feel uncomfortable."

I chuckled. "I always thought it was weird how Christine wanted to dance with her daughters rather than her sons."

"That's probably what doomed me into gayness, probably."

"Indeed."

She smiled and looked off at Christine, who was smiling proudly while she danced with Kyla.

"I missed you."

"Husbands tend to miss their mistresses after they leave."

She made a face and rolled her eyes, "The difference is that I'm not married."

"I'd like to be, but that doesn't seem to make any difference what so ever."

She sighed and gripped my waist a bit tighter. "You're more wife material."

"So you would see a mistress?"

"No!" Ashley shook her head frantically. I could tell she was getting frustrated. "I'm just saying if I could be with you again, you'd be my wife... No mistresses."

I dropped my arms from around her neck. "And only now you're going to tell me this? Gee, thanks a whole lot Ashley."

I rolled my eyes and walked away; overly pounding my heels into the polished floor so she'll maybe, take the hint for once.

Granted, if she had said this a week or so ago- it'd make me the happiest girl on Earth. In fact, I'm ashamed to admit that hearing it still does make me the happiest girl on Earth, but the belated comment just plain out pisses me off now. Of course, I love her and everything that comes along, but it's just plain out hurtful for someone to call you 'wife material' after they have left you. It's like... a tease. It's list saying something, but not exactly what it really fucking means. It's really fucking confusing, that's all.

"Spencer, wait!" I can hear Ashley running behind me. Luckily for us, we're in a deserted hallway. "Just stop, please."

She grabs my arm and pushes me into the wall- keeping me in place.

"Ashley, what do you-"

"I'm an asshole, okay?" She tilts up to make sure I'm looking at her. "I'm a complete and total fucking asshole and in no shape, way, or form do I deserve you. I know that. I know I'm a loser and a coward, but I'm sorry. I don't know why I'm like this, but I'll change. You're the only one, Spencer. There's no one else. I love you, alright? I really fucking love you."

I was completely speechless.

Except my stupid self just had to ask the god-awful question, "Why?"

"Because I'm at this fucking ball and the fucking plates are making me think of you," she gestured toward the hall. "Just because I remember how you didn't trust dishwashers and insisted on washing the dishes even after they had been in the dishwasher."

She took my hands.

"Spencer, I woke up this morning and I was literally baffled at the thought that you weren't next to me," she frowned, still looking me in the eye. "I literally walked out of the bedroom, calling your name because I couldn't believe that you weren't there. And I, I don't give a shit what the world thinks anymore. Well, maybe I do because I don't want some creep jacking off to-"

I cut her off right there- just because she was just so my Ashley by ruining the moment with an inappropriate comment. So I cut her off with my lips. I could feel her lips smiling against mine as she wrapped her arms around my waist.

"It's about time," I could hear Christine from behind us, probably with a smirk on her face with Kyla and Lana in tow. Ashley flipped them off, her lips never leaving mine.

Perfect.

**Another AN: For the ones that liked I Swear This Time I Mean It, I've decided to write a sequel and it would probably be up in… two weeks or so. Hopefully, that is.**

**Let me know what you think~**


	8. More Surprises

"So when are your parents coming?" Christine cut Kyla and I a fruit salad as I put all of my stuff back in Ashley and I's flat. Lana hadn't been able to take a lot of my stuff out, mostly just books and clothes and toiletries and stuff like that. So Kyla is in our cupboard throwing away anything that isn't healthy or eco friendly and Christine is making a big bowl of fruit salad while I'm arranging Ashley and I's library. Ashley and Lana are at the store buying dinner potentials for tonight. Knowing them, they'll just come home and take us out.

I shrugged. My mom never informed me about anything. "I don't know. My mom never told me anything about that."

"Is your mom okay with you at least?" Kyla threw away my Oreos, which made me frown.

"She's getting there," I put Ashley's _Revolutionary Road_ on the shelf. "I don't think she told my dad or my brother, so I guess I'll have to tell them myself."

"How do you think that will go?" Christine poured some strawberries into Ashley's pitcher of water.

I made a face, shaking my head. "I don't even want to think about it, to be honest."

Christine made a face and started looking through her purse.

"I'm sure everything will be fine, Spencer," Kyla smiled at me as she threw away my 3 cans of Diet Pepsi. I stood up and walked toward the counter, taking a seat in front of a standing Christine.

"Spencer, could you give these to Ashley?" Christine set down a bottle of prescribed pills on the counter. That little orange see-through bottle with Ashley Davies on the white sticker. I just eyed the bottle, not even knowing what I _should_ be thinking. "I picked up her prescription for her."

I picked up the bottle, eyeing it slowly. "Prescription?"

_Enalapril. _

Christine and Kyla looked at me oddly, almost like they had no idea what I was talking about. Christine pointed to the bottle in my hand. "Yeah, I picked up her pills for her Spence."

I could feel my face getting hot. "Pills for what?"

They both had that 'oh shit' look on their faces. Christine visibly gulped. "She hasn't told you?"

"Hasn't told me what?" I dropped the pills down, almost making it seem like they were on fire. "What does she need pills for?"

They both just stared at me, each obviously not knowing what to say to me. Kyla cleared her throat, "Uhm, well-"

"We're home!" Ashley yelled from the door. I could hear her and Lana walking over toward us. I turned around once she slid her arm around my shoulders.

I turned toward her, pill bottle in hand. "What is this?"

She looked at the pill bottle, her mouth agape. She looked back at me, still not knowing what to say. "I uhm..."

_Ding Dong_

"Oh, I'll get that!" Christine pretty much ran to the door, leaving Ashley and I to our staring competition, with Kyla and Lana staring awkwardly at us. "Kyla, why don't you bring me some wine? I'm sure we're going to need some soon enough..."

Kyla scrambled to get out the bottle of wine while Christine opened our front door.

"Well isn't this lovely?" Christine announced much louder than usual, catching my attention. I looked over to the door, where my immediate family now stood. Clay, my mom, my dad, Glen and even his girlfriend Madison were there, all wearing big happy smiles. My jaw dropped at the sight. Oh shit. "Hello Paula, it's so nice to see you again too."

I shoved the bottle of pills into Ashley's hand and stood up, "We'll talk about this later."

She gulped and nodded, putting the bottle in her jacket pocket. "Yes ma'am."

"Hey Dad," I smiled as my dad hugged me. Unlike my mother on her arrival, they had no luggage. He kissed my cheek. "This is a surprise."

"Well we all know how much you love surprises!" My dad smiled at me while I hugged and greeted Clay. I could see Ashley, Lana and Kyla just standing around in the back while Christine chatted with my mom. Kyla smacked Ashley upside the head once she reached her and I could hear her yelling through a whisper, 'what the fuck is wrong with you?'. "So we'd thought we'd you know, surprise you."

I smiled a smile as fake as Heidi Montag's face. "Yayyy. You better get used to that whole surprise thing, Dad. Anyways-"

"What?" Clay and Glen made a face.

"Nothing," I motioned over at Ashley. "This is Ashley, Dad. My girlfriend."

My dad seemed to have no heard what I said because he went up to shake her hand and kiss her on the cheek. Ashley just seemed baffled at everything, and so did my mom.

Ashley snapped out of it. "Hi Mr. Carlin, I'm Ashley. It's nice to finally meet you sir, Spencer told me a lot about you all."

My dad smiled. "It's lovely to meet you too, Ashley. So you're the one that has been keeping my one and only daughter company?"

Ashley looked as if she didn't know how to answer that. Or what that even meant in the first place. "Ah hah, yes of course, sir. Spencer, Me. Yes yes. Company."

Lana fought back a chuckle while I fought back an eye roll. I could tell Ashley was on edge. I could also tell that my dad couldn't understand what Ashley was talking about anymore, so I decided to step in.

But before I could, Christine took a step ahead of me. "Why don't we all have some dinner? Spencer and Ashley have a lot of potentials in the fridge and I'm sure that my girls and I can come up with something. Oh, and I just made an extravagant fruit salad for everyone! It'll be like... a surprise homecoming dinner. Sound good?"

My whole family looked shocked- including me and even the Davies girls too. I could tell no one knew what to say to that, because Glen just started with, "Uhh..."

"Splendid!" Christine clapped and begun to herd my family (like sheep) into the living room. I could see Ashley, Kyla and Lana heading for the kitchen already. "Oh, this is going to be great! I even have a few bottles of wine in my car! And decorations- Oh, we've got to have decorations. For a time like this? Of course! Oh, I think I have some lavender silk material in my purse. And I'm sure Kyla has something that's recycled in her car. Oh my god, we should take a picture!"

"Mom!" Ashley yelled from the kitchen, where i was currently headed to have a little chat with my new girlfriend.

Christine rolled her eyes and started to strut back to the kitchen. "Daughters. They never stop needing their mother. Never."

"Spencer," Ashley approached me once I walked into the kitchen. Kyla and Lana were freaking out over what to cook because we didn't really have any essentials since Kyla threw out all of our food. "Why didn't you tell me your parents were coming?"

"I didn't know."

She stared at me for a bit, probably trying to figure out if I was lying or not. After she came to the conclusion that I wasn't, she sighed and went back to looking in the fridge.

I cleared my throat, "Ash, I need to talk to you."

She sighed, not looking at me and took off her jacket. Still without looking at me, she walked out of the kitchen and into our empty hallway. I followed.

She was leaning against the wall, looking down at the floor. I stood in front of her.

"I know that you know what I'm going to ask you, Ashley."

She looked up at me, her eyes darker than they were before. "It's not something that I enjoy talking about, Spencer."

I took a step back at that. Of course, I was royally pissed once I heard about the pills thing because after 3 years, I hadn't even noticed. And I was pissed at the fact that she even made an effort to hide it from me. But only now it occurred to me that there is something to obviously be worried about, if Ashley has prescribed medication.

"Tell me, Ashley. Please."

She stood straight up, "Spencer, I-"

"Spencer, where are you? Get in here!" I heard my dad yell from the living room. I sighed, and Ashley stood straight up, cupping my face and bringing it up so I would look at her.

"We'll talk about this later, okay? I think that would be better," She leaned down to kiss me. I expected just a peck (considering my family was in the next room and anyone could just walk in any second) but it was a full on passionate kiss. The kind that reminds you just how much you love that person. She pulled back and smiled at me, before looking down, looking confused. "Uhh... I love you."

She looked back up at me. I couldn't help laughing. I could tell that she was actually trying with this whole thing, and it made me even more relaxed. She's adorable.

But then I remembered that my family is in the next room, and so is Ashley's.

I leaned up and pecked her lips, "I love you too," before walking back into the living room.

Christine was right.

I'm going to be needing a glass of wine tonight.


	9. News

Seating was scarce. Ashley and I don't have a table big enough to hold 10 people, so we all just sat around in the living room around our larger than normal coffee table. Ashley had Lana run down to the store to get some (already cooked) steak, which Kyla complained about because she wanted to get everyone tofu burgers instead, even though Kyla isn't vegetarian, nor a vegan. So that's how we were, sitting around the coffee table eating steak and potatoes.

"Girls, I'd have to say that this is actually really good," My dad smiled at the Davies' sisters. They all smiled proudly, as if they had made the steak themselves. "What do you three do for a living?"

"Love Spencer," Ashley whispered for only me to hear- smiling at me. I can tell she's trying to win me over, and it's definitely working. "I'm a music producer."

"I work for the GPE."

Lana shrugged, staring down at her steak. "Undecided."

"You should look into cooking then Lana," my dad smiled at her. "This is really good."

"Thank you Mr. Carlin. That's very... encouraging."

My dad smiled, "So how long has it been going on?"

"The cooking? From about half an hour ago."

"No," My dad laughed and looked at me. "You and Ashley. How long has it been?"

I gulped. I though he hadn't heard me back there. "What?"

"You and Ashley, Spence," He smiled. "How long have you two been together? You two are together, right?"

"Uh yeah," I gulped again. I didn't think he'd be so cool with this.

"Three years, Mr. Carlin," Ashley grabbed my hand underneath the table. "We've been together for 3 years."

My dad smiled at us. "Well that's wonderful, you two."

"'Wonderful'?" My mom sat up. "You think that it's wonderful?"

My heart sunk. Of course, something just had to ruin everything for me.

"Well yeah," my dad shrugged. "What does it matter who Spencer loves?"

I think my parents forgot that there is a whole another family at the table.

"It's not real, Arthur."

"Not real? How could it not be real?" My dad smiled again, which surprised me a bit. "3 years is longer than any relationship our boys have ever held. And I'm sure they haven't been in any gay relationships. You boys aren't gay, right?"

"Nope."

"Not today."

"See," my dad grinned. "3 years. How could something that lasted for 3 years not be real?"

I couldn't help the smile. I couldn't help my heart bursting into millions and millions of hearts and butterflies (and even rainbows too, just to go with the situation and all). Ashley smiled at me from the corner of my eye and squeezed my hand a little bit tighter, which made everything even better. The two things that I love. The two things that can make it all okay.

"So how is the love?" my dad wiped his mouth once he was finished with his steak, my mom just stayed defeated in her corner. "All good I hope."

"They broke up the other day," my mom rolled her eyes.

"It's really good, Mr. Carlin," Ashley answered for me, squeezing my hand again to keep me calm I guess. She turned toward my mom. Oh shit. "It's going really really good, Mrs. Carlin."

"A few weeks ago Spencer didn't even know what to label you as. Could you explain that?"

"Mom!" I made a face at her. I know that this is my house and all, but technically, it's Ashley's. And she shouldn't be doing this in Ashley's own house.

"No, Spencer it's okay," Ashley patted my shoulder. "Mrs. Carlin, I know that you probably hate me, but this isn't about you and me. I understand, and I'm sorry that Spencer didn't have a label for me for three years. It wasn't that I wasn't committed to her, I definitely was, I just didn't want to get labels involved, that's all. But I'm sorry for that now."

"Labels?" My mom laughed. I could tell Christine was getting irritated now. See, Christine is a lion. A really hardcore bitchy lion. And Ashley is her cub. And she'd do anything to protect her cubs. "What does that even mean?"

"I was trying to protect your daughter, Mrs. Carlin."

"Protect her? Protect her from what, Ashley?" My mom just looked pissed the fuck off now. Just like how I'm getting. I squeezed Ashley's hand though, which were starting to get tense, because now I was getting at least one of the reason why Ashley didn't want to be exclusive for so long.

Not Christine's reason though, I'm sure.

"From everything," Ashley shook her head, taking her hand out of mine. It made me frown, but I was too into what she was saying to notice much. "I was trying to protect Spencer from the world, and what the world can do. I never want Spencer to ever, ever feel bad in any way about what other people say. Mrs. Carlin, the thing that I know that you don't, is what the world can do, okay? I know what the world can do to us, and I want no part of it to hurt her. I'm not going to have that. I'm sorry, but I refuse to lose your daughter, who just so happens to be the girl that I love, to a media that will destroy anything they can get their hands on. I'm not going to let them tear us, nor Spencer, apart. I make no apologies for that."

I. Was. Appalled.

No. Words. To. Describe.

Shock will do that to you, I suppose.

My dad smiled and turned to my mom, "Now how could that not be real?"

My mom stood up, which didn't even affect my mood because I was just in my Ashley infused trance. "I think it's time to leave now."

"Paula, sit-"

"No, it's time to go."

_Then just go, mom._

xxxx

"So your mom is in the car with the boys and Madison," my dad smiled at Ashley and I. Christine, Kyla and Lana had already left to eat some real dinner apparently, but not without Christine and Kyla giving her a big bear hug and a slap up the head. Lana didn't because she's not really into hugging. So now my dad is standing in the front doorway with Ashley and I standing in front of him. "It was a lovely dinner."

Ashley smiled, "Thanks for coming, Mr. Carlin."

My dad stiffed up oddly. He straightened his suit. "Ashley, will you take care of my daughter?"

Ashley blushed, a bit taken back. I smiled. "Uh... I mean, Yes. Of course, sir."

My dad kept up. "And do you promise to love her, and treat her the way she deserves?"

"Sir, she deserves much better than me," Ashley put her hand on my back. "But I will give her my all and even more."

"Good," He smiled. "It was nice meeting you and your family."

"Likewise," Ashley smiled. He leaned down and gave her a hug, doing the same with me.

"Spencer, give me a call tomorrow. We should do something," He smiled at me, gave me another hug, and left.

I sighed, closing the door. It wasn't a bad sigh, since the night had definitely at least had gone a bit well, but it wasn't a nice one either. For one, my mom has went back to being a stone cold homophobic Christian that doesn't want to accept her daughter for who she is, nor wants to accept the girl that her daughter loves. Not the person who her daughter CHOSE to love, but who her daughter... loves.

I pulled Ashley into a hug right when we walked into the bedroom. One of the things that Ashley did that made me really happy was that she hugged me at least once every single day we've been together. And the days we're apart, she makes us webcam so she can give me a virtual hug. So to me, it's like a daily vitamin. It's a habit now to me.

A prescription.

She laid back down on the bed, her hands behind her head, only wearing her black wife beater and boxers. "I've been waiting for that all day."

I threw the bottle of Enalapril onto her belly. "I've been waiting for the explanation for this all night."

She sighed, sitting up and grabbing the bottle of water on the nightstand, taking a gulp. I sat on the bed in front of her.

"Come here kid," She grabbed me and sat me on her lap, with my legs wrapped around her waist and hers lying near my hips, holding me. She sighed and traced my arms.

"You're not getting out of this, Ash. Don't you go thinking that your charm can get you off the hook this time."

She made a mad face. "But it works all the other times."

I shook my head, "Sorry."

We sat in silence for a bit, just sitting and feeling each other, which is harder when you need to know something.

"Are you really going to make me ask, Ash?"

"I have a heart condition."

My mouth is on the floor.

Ashley never wanted me to read what the media puts out. One of the things she loved about me was the fact that when I met her, I didn't know who she was. She liked the fact that I liked her for her, and that she knew it because I had no clue about her life through a magazine's eyes. She always told me that I shouldn't read what people write, and that everything that they say is bullshit anyway. Well, I listened, and therefore, never really read anything about Ashley because if Ashley wanted me to know about something, she would tell me.

I guess I was wrong.

I slid back a bit, "What?"

"I had a heart attack when I was 13 and another one when I was 15," she looked down, frowning. "The Enalapril helps my heart beat regularly and function... normally."

"Wait, what?" She held me steady when I tried to move away. "Heart condition? You had a heart attack? What? Ashley, why in the hell did you not tell me?"

She sighed, "I didn't want you to think less of me."

"Ash?" I lifted her face so she'd look at me. "How could I think less of you?"

"I don't know," she shrugged, sighing. "I just didn't want you to suddenly view me any differently. I didn't want to scare you or anything."

"Scare me? How could this scare me?"

"Maybe get you thinking that you can't handle me. That you deserve something different, something that you don't have to possibly take care of," She traced my cheek. I almost felt like crying. "I didn't want you to run away. I didn't want you to think I'd be a burden to you."

"Ashley," I started to kiss all over her face, still in her lap. Her cheeks; her forehead; her eyelids; her chin; her neck; her cheek bones; her nose. I looked her in the eye. "You'll never be a burden to me, alright? Never. And I'll never run away, or leave you, either."

I couldn't, even if I wanted to, really.

But then again, why would I want to?


	10. This is me

**AN: This is a first draft, so I'm sorry if there are any spelling or grammar errors. I didn't have time to edit. And I know that this chapter is short, but it's supposed to be a filler chapter, so bare with me. Anyways, Enjoy~**

One thing about Ashley that you probably don't know is that she has a shit load of commitments already. And yes, I am aware that I am looking way too far into this.

For one, she has her record label. Head producer/owner of the label- carrying her father's name and manning the desk- and also, she was the lead guitarist and vocals for her band _Moments At Last. _But Aiden got married, Chris had a kid, so the band split up and Ashley just produces now. Ever so often though, she releases a single, but just a single- so she doesn't have to tour or anything. I'd rather keep it that way anyway.

She never really talks about the band much. She's not sensitive about it or anything, considering the boys are like brothers to her. There was Aiden, who was the vocals and was on every teenage girl's bedroom walls (of course, he wasn't wearing a shirt in all of their photo-shoots). Ashley's best friend, Chris was on bass, and Craig was on drums. Craig is the most awkward person you will ever meet, which is weird considering he is in a post hardcore/rock band. And Chris is just plain out amazing to me. They're all still great friends, but I can tell she misses it. She always gets sad when she releases a single.

Another thing is she's addicted to a bunch of weird stuff. A bunch of random stuff like chinchillas, Greek mythology, cats, feminism (I think she gets that from Christine), art, politics, tea, etc. Some weird stuff like that. On our first Christmas together, instead of using a mistletoe, she just hung a picture of a white baby chinchilla (She told me her name was Baby) over our heads and kissed me underneath it. I still see that 'mistletoe' today too. And every time she sees it, she always goes up to me and kisses me. Oh, and she loves Angelina Jolie. I'm dreading the day that they meet (if they do, that is). I might lose her forever.

And I love my weirdo girlfriend.

"Kiki!" Ashley scooped Kiki into her arms. Kiki is our cat. And believe me, she is the most beautiful cat you'll ever see. She's a complete bitch though, if I'm just being honest. Ashley spoils her rotten (Ashley has to push the bowl to her face to get her to start eating) so she's basically a princess.

I just roll my eyes at them ad flop on Ashley and I's bed while Ashley coos Kiki, "I missed you baby."

Another eye roll out of me.

Ashley just smiles, lies down next to me and lays down with Kiki in between us. We're both lying on our stomachs facing each other.

"What have you got against Kiki, Spencer?"

I smile, "Nothing. She's just taking my baby away from me."

She chuckled and pulled me closer to her. Kiki jumped off the bed, over me of course because she's hated me ever since I moved in, but before she does that, she glares at me. **Glares.**

"Never," she brought her lips closer to mine. "Nothing's going to take me away from you, Spencer."

I just shake my head smiling and grab her neck closer to kiss her. She tastes like strawberries, and believe me, it's fucking amazing.

But of course, Kiki just has to lick her foot, which makes Ashley laugh her ass off and pull away. Stupid ass cat. Ashley smiles at me, tilts her head up and kisses my forehead.

"You were made for forehead kisses, Spence."

I think I can get used to this whole girlfriend thing.

I push some of her hair behind her ear, "You've got your interview today."

She groaned, burying her head into a near pillow, "Don't remind me."

Ashley has an interview with Barbra Walters today. For many reasons, really. For our relationship, closure on the band's departure, and leave their fans hanging. There have been rumors about them getting back together, which has already happened. Ashley told me that they were planning on going on tour again, but wanted to see the public reaction to determine if they should make another album or not. They're really leading toward that whole tour thing, which kind of scares me, because what the fuck am I going to do without her?

"It'll be fine, Ash. Barbra loves you."

"She loves everyone."

"Ash, did you mean what you said last night?" I sat up, having my head rest on my hand while I looked down at her. She looked up at me oddly. "About the reason why you didn't want to go public with me was because you wanted to protect me. Did you mean it?"

She sighed and sat up, sitting cross legged and looking down at me now. "Yes, I did mean it Spencer."

I gulped, "Christine told me that there was another reason, Ash. A reason that she said was her fault or something? What did she mean then?"

Her eyes went hard, almost black. Oh shit. "She actually said that?"

I nodded, sitting up as well to mirror her. "Yeah, she did."

She looked down, playing with her hands. I could feel the atmosphere was different already. It was murkier, almost heavier. She sighed, "You know how I had a heart attack when I was 15, right?"

I nodded, holding onto her hand.

"Well," she looked around the room. Her eyes were fine, a bit watery but she definitely wasn't crying. She was definitely avoiding my eyes though, like she was trying to look at everything but me. "My brother died on that same day, because of it."

I couldn't comprehend.

"I was driving him home, and I had really bad chest pains. I wasn't taking the Enalapril at the time, because the doctors said that the heart attack that I had when I was 13 was only minor and my dad didn't want any of his kids medicated anyway. I told my mom that I shouldn't drive, because I was in so much pain, but she insisted so I did," she looked back down to our hands. "I did and... I had my attack while I was driving, so the car went out of control and fell into a ditch. Dylan hit his head really hard and he uh.. he died on impact. I was passed out, because well, I was in a car crash right after having a heart attack and you can't just come back from that, you know? So it took about an hour or so for someone to actually find us. That's when I was diagnosed with Enalapril, to avoid it and part of my heart can't function anymore because of the time it took to get me to the hospital and everything. They uhm, prescribed me to Xanax and Prozac after the crash as well, because they all thought that I would shut down, and I was clinically depressed at that time as well, so it all seemed to make sense at the time. But I uh.. I stopped taking them already, so you don't have to worry about that or anything."

I swear, I couldn't feel anything more but my love for Ashley at that exact moment. Of course, I was worried about her because that's just who I am and it's my job to protect her. And of course, I felt like all I needed right then was to hold her, but then again, that's how I always feel. But here she was; giving me all of her, everything that she was afraid of was put right in front of me. She promised this, and here she was, keeping her promise with every single word she uttered. I felt bad, of course. Because here is the girl that I love, I love her more than anything in the whole world and this is what she had to go through. I wasn't there to help her, and she's giving this to me. She's giving herself up for the breaking. I can anything now. And now, I promise myself to never hurt her because she doesn't deserve that. Not anymore.

But I'm an idiot, and probably just said what I shouldn't have said. "Why'd you stop taking the pills?"

She chuckled, looking at me for the first time. Her eyes were lighter now, almost like a honey color. She shrugged, "I uhm, I didn't feel the need to take them after I met you."


	11. Acceptance

**AN: Italics are what's happening in the interview.**

The interview went well. Well, that's at least what Ashley told me. After our talk, I dropped her off at her interview with Barbra Walters. It's the next day, so Barbra sent us a copy of what's going to be aired tonight. Ashley is at Aiden's place, because her, Aiden and Craig have to discuss everything about the tour or whatever. She told me to feel free to watch the interview already, and that I had nothing to be afraid of. Let's certainly hope not.

I invited my mother to watch the interview with me.

It seemed like a really good idea to me, when I was on the phone telling my mom about it and everything. Maybe not so much now though. The overall point of the interview was to focus on the band and their reunion, but it's bound for Barbra to ask about Ashley's love life, right? I mean, what the fuck is the point of an interview if shit isn't going to get personal?

Anyways, now my mother is sitting herself down on my couch.

Now I just have to hope Christine doesn't barge in unexpected.

"Your father is very upset with you, you know," my mom took her sweater off. I shrugged, putting the DVD into the player. "You never called him when you said you would. He said he feels neglected."

I smiled, "Well, after this I'll take the family to dinner then. Okay, mom?"

She smiled really big, "Okay, that'd be nice."

I smiled and nodded. I guess that made her happy then. I pressed play and sat next to my mother. "Ready for this, mom?"

She shrugged, "I don't know why you want me to watch this."

"I want you to understand that what Ashley and I have is real."

She didn't say anything more. I just sighed.

The first thing I noticed when images formed on the screen was that Ashley looked absolutely mesmerizing. Barbra and Christine actually know each other a little bit, so Ashley didn't feel the need to dress up or anything for the interview. Actually, she never feels the need to dress up for anything, but I still love her. Anyway, she's sitting with Barbra wearing just an old ACDC shirt with dark blue jeans. Her hair is messy since she never does anything to it, but she's wearing a fedora to keep it tame. She looks beautiful.

Oh, and Barbra is just wearing a suit.

_"Ashley Davies. The one and only. It's so nice to see you again," Barbra smiled at Ashley, whom just smiled back. "People might not believe this, but we actually know each other a bit, don't we?"_

_"Mhm, of course," Ashley smiled again. "My mom loves you."_

Side note: Christine loves everyone. And I'm still worrying if she's going to drop by any second now.

_Barbra laughed. "Yes, Christine is lovely. Anyways let's get to it, shall we?"_

_Ashley grinned. "Shoot."_

I just couldn't help but smile. My mom caught me though, which didn't falter my smile a bit, but I think she actually smiled at this.

_"So, of course- we all know that you followed in your father's footsteps and became a successful rock star with your band Moments At Last, but the band split. Mind telling us why?"_

_Ashley sat up, playing with her hands. "Hm, I feel like the band was just... right, at that period of time. Of course, we worked our lives for it and I love those guys and it was really fun. It was perfect timing to go on tour, be a rock star, and just... live. But I just think after awhile it wasn't. As everyone knows, Aiden was engaged so he had to plan the wedding and everything. Being a husband isn't a part time job for him. And Chris had his son, and he really wanted to be around for him. So we just... didn't work."_

_"Do you still talk to the boys?"_

_"Oh yeah, of course. They're my brothers."_

_Barbra smiled. "Your father must be very proud of you. I've heard some rumors about the band getting back together, any bit of truth in that?"_

_Ashley smiled and nodded, "Completely."_

_Barbra broke out into a smile, "So Moments At Last are officially back together then? Could we expect a new album out any time soon?"_

_Ashley chuckled, "Oh no, not that high hopes. But we are going on tour of the U.S this summer. So that should be exciting."_

_"Well, that's great," Barbra smiled and looked down at her cards. "Do you mind if I pry into your personal life?"_

I smirked, and so did Ashley. My mom rolled her eyes though, "That's so like Barbra Walters. Like anyone is going to be like 'uhm, yes I do mind Barbra,' to Barbra Walters."

I laughed.

_"Go ahead," Ashley smirked._

_"I noticed that you arrived here with a beautiful young blonde. Could that possibly be your new girlfriend?"_

_Ashley grinned, chuckling. "She's definitely not new."_

As expected, I smiled.

_"Pardon?"_

_"She's my girlfriend, yes," Ashley sat up. "But she's not new."_

_"But she is your girlfriend?" Ashley nodded. "How long now?"_

_Ashley scratched her head, "Three years."_

_Barbra looked surprised, as predicted. "Oh my. How were you able to keep it out of the media for so long?"_

_Ashley smiled sadly, "It wasn't without difficulty, that's for sure."_

_Barbra smiled. "Are you in love?"_

_"Yes. And I have been for a long time now."_

_"Do you think she's the one?"_

_Ashley pondered over it, looking down at the floor, biting her lip. "I know that people will say that I'm too young to know what love is or that I'm too young to understand commitment and to actually love someone. But... in my opinion, we all have our different views on what love is. And she... she is my definition. My love for her might not be up to the par that others have set for... I don't know, the world, but that doesn't really matter with us. My love is for her to judge, not the world. And I'm not stupid- I know that I am indeed, young and there are a whole lot of people out there, but I don't care. I've got my Spencer. There's no one out there that can even come close. So long story short, yes, she is the one."_

Yes. Yes. Yes. That's the love of my life right there. The love of my life that loves me back. She loves me.

_Barbra smiled, "So the lucky lady's name is Spencer, then?"_

_Ashley smiled, looking down. It wasn't a normal smile. It was a dreamy smile, like she couldn't control it. A smile full of ecstasy. "Yeah. Her name is Spencer."_

My mom turned it off, sighing. I looked at her.

She looked at me, frowning weirdly, "Spencer."

"Yeah mom?"

"I think she loves you."

I laughed, petting Kiki. "Yeah," I nodded. "She loves me."

She sighed disappointingly and kept looking back at me, to the screen, and back at me again. She even looked at Kiki occasionally. I smiled. I know my mom, and she's wrapping her head around the idea. "There's nothing I can really say, is there?"

I shook my head, "No."

She sighed again. "Well-"

_Ding Dong_

I sighed. Of course, something had to cut everything off.

"Come in!" I yelled from the living room. It's probably Kyla or something. She likes to bring over healthy food when she has nothing better to do.

"Spencer?" Chris, Ashley's old band mate, walked into the flat with his three year old son standing in front of him, gripping his shoulders. I got up off the couch.

Chris is literally the best guy you will ever meet. Also the funniest, most talented, determined and self educated being that will ever live (besides Ashley, that is). Him and Ashley grew up together and were the originators of Moments At Last, so they've always been really close. He even named Ashley godmother of his son.

"Hey Chris," I smiled. "Hey CJ."

The little boy smiled up at me, "Hi Aunty Spencie."

"Spence I need your help," Chris gulped. "Is Ashley here?"

I shook my head, "Nope. She's at Aiden's."

"God," Chris rolled his blue eyes. "You'd think after I crown her godmother, she'd be around more, yeah? Stupid."

"What did you need help with?"

Chris put his hands together as if he was begging. "Please Spence, could you watch him for a few hours? I don't know where Laura is and you know my par-"

"Sure. It's no problem, really."

He smiled almost immediately, kissed me on the cheek, and set his hands on my shoulders. "Ah, thank you so much Blondie. I owe you one."

"No problem, Chris."

He turned around to give his little twin a kiss on the cheek. "You be good, yeah?"

"Yes, Daddy."

Chris started making his way back to the boor. "Right, thanks again, yeah? I owe you one. I'll take my favorite lesbos out to dinner some time, okay?"

The door shut, making me roll my eyes. I smiled at CJ, whom looked adorable standing and staring at Ashley's Pokémon collection. "You alright, CJ?"

He looked at me and nodded. He almost looks exactly like Chris. "Aunt Ashley has a lot of toys."

I smirked. _Cause she's my baby._

"Spencer, I was wondering if we could..." My mom walked in and stopped talking once she saw CJ. "Who's this?"

CJ smiled and walked up to my mom. He stuck his left hand out, "Christopher Junior at your service, ma'am. Though I'd really prefer if you called me CJ."

My mom smiled brightly. I think she just fell in love with CJ. I wouldn't be surprised though- that little boy is charming. "Well it's nice to meet you CJ, I'm Paula."

CJ smiled, "It's nice to meet you, Paula. You look like a mommy. You look like Aunty Spencie's mommy."

"I am Spencie's mommy," My mom laughed. "And a boy named Glen's, but you don't know him."

CJ nodded. "You're pretty. But my mom is the prettiest mommy in the world. My daddy says that she's the most beautiful girl in the whole world, you know. And he said he's been around the world, so he'd know. Aunt Ashley is my mommy too, sort of. If anything happens to mommy or daddy, Aunt Ashley promised to take care of me."

My mom turned toward me, "Ashley is his godmother?"

I nodded.

"Does she even believe in God?"

"You don't have to believe in God to take care of someone, Mom."

She nodded slowly. Almost like she was trying to comprehend everything happening even though nothing really was. Deep down though, I think she was just accepting Ashley in.

In one way at least.


	12. Fall and Rise

Ashley was right.

See, I'm a normal girl. I grew up in a little town in Ohio with my two brothers protecting me and I went to church every weekend. I had a dog named Jugby (Glen named him) that kept me company every single day and my family had dinner together every night. It was good; it was easy. It was nice. Even when I got Ashley and began living with her, it was... great. I was happy. Nothing changed, except the fact that my happiness meter had sky rocketed in a matter of days. I had the girl of my dreams, so that wasn't surprising. When I moved in, the media got their hands on it. Considering the fact that it's a bit weird when a lesbian has a new 'roommate' living with her. But back then, I wasn't a girlfriend, so it was different I suppose. They didn't eat me alive or anything, but I read some judgment. Like I said before, Ashley doesn't let me read anything, which I understand and I'd rather not even witness the judgment in the first place. When they caught Ashley and I holding hands at a club, it was juiced up even more. They linked us together, and created weird ass rumors about how we met at the dentist and have been inseparable ever since. I didn't care much, because if my parents found out through the media... well, to be honest, I would have really preferred that. When they caught Ashley kissing me at a Starbucks, it seemed like it was a closed deal already, but it was overall nice gossip. Ashley told me that she couldn't help but kiss me at that moment, and that made me really happy so I didn't even care about the media anymore.

But we should have thought this through.

My mom is up in arms at everything.

"Spencer, look at this!" My mom threw at least 8 magazines on the table I was working on. She has a habit of not knocking before coming in, which is even worse than Christine because at least Christine knocks before coming in. I sighed and closed my textbook. I highly doubt I will be getting any work done today. "Spencer!"

I, for one, am in a bad mood.

"What about it?" I eyed the magazines. They all had Ashley on the cover with quotations next to it. My mom opened them all up for me. It seems like she memorized the page numbers because she knew the exact page to turn to for each magazine. I scanned them once she was finished; they pretty much all had the same thing. They all had potential candidates (all were blonde, of course) and they even linked Ashley to her assistant, Rebecca who is blonde as well. I sighed.

"Who is she?" My mom pointed to Rebecca.

"Rebecca, mom. She's Ashley's assistant."

"Whatever," my mom rolled her eyes. I knew I should have made Ashley stay home. She's at an event right now. She asked me to come, but I need to prep for finals. The event is supposed to be televised, but I don't feel like turning it on tonight. "Is this honestly the way you wanted to come out to your entire family?"

Uh oh. Well, I never thought of it like that.

"Well... maybe they won't see," I gulped. "You never even had any suspicions about Ashley and I even thought a hint of it was in the media. Maybe it'll be the same with everyone else, Ma."

"You can't ever be so sure. Look at all these girls that they've hooked Ashley with. How do you know that these aren't lies?"

"Because I trust Ashley," I closed all of the magazines. I didn't need this. Not today. "Mom, I don't care what other people think."

"Well I do," my mom turned toward me. She looked pissed as hell. "I'm not going to let Ashley do this to you, she-"

"Ashley?" I made a face. "All Ashley is doing is making me happy, Mom."

My mom rolled her eyes. "Oh please. You're still happy with the world calling you 'the latest, but not the greatest'? You're still happy even thought people are set on you and Ashley not lasting?"

"Well power to us then," I started walking toward the kitchen. Where the fuck is Christine when you need her? I could really use a glass of wine right now. "It'll look even better when they see that Ashley and I are indeed, going to last."

"Oh, are you so sure of that?" My mom followed me into the kitchen. I sighed as I poured my glass of wine. "What, are you planning on marrying this girl? How are you two even going to have children? Have you talked about it with Ashley?"

I paused at that. I had no idea about Ashley's plans for us in the future. I didn't even know my own. I hadn't really thought of it, all I really knew was that I wanted to be with Ashley forever. I don't even know if she believes in marriage, or if she even wants to get married. The word 'kids' has never even been mentioned with us.

"You!" My mom shouted, cutting me off of my dream world of Ashley and I's future. Ashley strolled in, still wearing the leather jacket that she wore when we first met. Once she heard my mom shouting at her, she put her hands up in surrender. The kind that you put up when someone if about to shoot at you. "You're the cause of this!"

"Mom!" My mother obviously has a habit of disrespecting people in their own homes.

"Excuse me?" Ashley made a face, obviously confused. She looked pretty terrified though, she even ignored Kiki who was clawing at her leg.

"Here!" She threw the magazines at Ashley, which completely baffled the fuck out of me because she literally threw the magazines at her. All eight of them. Ashley only managed to catch one of them, the rest landed on Kiki, whom ran away on impact. Ashley sighed once she read the cover. "Is that really how you wanted Spencer to come out to her family? What the hell were you thinking, doing that interview?"

"I thought you watched it Mrs. Carlin," Ashley's eyes didn't leave the page. I think she got the one where they linked her up with Rebecca because she rolled her eyes once she got to the middle of the magazine. She sighed and looked back up at my mom. "This is what I told you about."

"Well you're not doing a very good job at protecting her!" My mom shook her head at Ashley. I downed my glass of wine. For once, I really wished Christine was here. She'd definitely... lighten things up a bit. "Look, they've got you hooked up to 14 different girls, Ashley. Spencer is torn up about this."

Ashley looked at me, probably to confirm or something. I just shrugged. I wasn't mad at her or anything; in fact I was a bit proud of her. She made me a promise and she kept it. I have no right to be mad because she gave me what I wanted.

"I love Spencer," Ashley looked back at my mom. "Spencer knows that. Mrs. Carlin, you have to understand that this is how the business works."

"And what business would that be?"

"The media," Ashley scooped up all the magazines and put them on the counter. I looked back over at the magazines. I was on the cover as well, and they even had my name. I turned to the page. They had all my info. Well, not really all, but they knew that I went to UCLA. I sighed. Finals are going to be tough. "Everything is just lies that are sold. That's all. Heck, the even paired me with my assistant because they see her coming to the flat every day and the fact that she's blonde."

My mom rolled her eyes again and collected her things. I sighed.

"Spencer, I'm leaving," She started walking toward the door. "You might want to read those and revaluate who you want to spend the rest of your life with."

I just sighed as the door shut. I sat down at the counter, the magazines still in front of me. Ashley came up to me, sitting next to me but facing me.

She grabbed my hands, "You really don't believe any of this stuff right? You know that I love you.. Right?"

I sighed, playing with the magazine now, "Well, there are younger and definitely prettier blondes here for you. You've got 13 of them actually."

"I don't want younger or prettier, I want you," Ashley took the magazine out of my reach. "Besides seriously Spencer? Prettier than you? There's no such thing."

I smiled and kissed her. She has a habit of doing this; of making me smile when I'm not in the mood.

She smiled and carried me back into our bedroom. She likes doing this, even though I don't know why. I think it's her way of proving to me that I'm not fat or something.

She smiled once she sat across from me. We were on our bed, me sitting cross legged in front of her and her leaning against the headboard, tracing my legs, "So the rest of your life, eh? I hope you won't have to do any reevaluating."

I smirked, "Well, maybe. I might have to be worried about Rebecca as well."

"Oh please," she rolled her eyes playfully. "Rebecca is as straight as Sarah Palin."

I laughed, mainly because it's incredibly true. That girl loves the cock.

"And besides, you know I love you."

"True," I nodded. "So the rest of our lives."

She nodded, looking at me. "The rest of our lives. You think you can handle it?"

"I think I could," I smiled. "I'd love it."

She smiled and kissed my knuckles. "Good."

"So just us two?" I played with her fingers as I waited for her answer. Ashley never mentioned anything about kids before. The only time she ever talks about kids is when she's speaking about CJ or that one time about her brother. So considering with her history, and her intense commitment-phobia, I highly doubt she'll want any kids any time soon... Or ever, in fact.

"Well," she looked down to our hands. "Did you want to have kids?"

"I..." I paused. I never really thought about me. I always just thought that if Ashley never gave the okay, it wouldn't be an option. I mean, if Ashley didn't want kids, I wouldn't push the thought of kids into my mind. That's just dumb. "Well, maybe. I don't know. Did you?"

Ashley shrugged, "Maybe."

"Maybe?"

Ashley laughed, "To be honest, I always wanted at least one. Christine has been bugging me about this lately. Says that she's not getting any younger and that we should both be popping out grandkids by now since there is two vaginas in this relationship. I highly doubt Lana will be having any kids, so I suppose Kyla and I could at least give her at least two."

I smiled. Ashley would be a great mom. "What names did you like?"

"Boy or girl?"

"Both."

"Everett for a boy," She smiled at me. "And uh... I don't really know for the girl."

"I like the name Cayden," I blushed. I don't really know why I did, but it just came on. But Ashley smiled at me and kissed my cheeks.

"So we'll spend the rest of our lives together with our little Everett and little Cayden," She smiled and leaned forward. I smiled, just out of pure happiness that this was finally happening. "Oh, and my mom wants to plan our wedding."

"Oh god," I rolled my eyes smiling. "That'll be a nightmare."

She shook her head smiling, "No. You'll make a beautiful bride Spence, so not a nightmare, more like a dream come true."

I could really get used to this.


	13. Accident

I was never honest to God good at anything.

Everyone said that the Davies sisters were just about the most talented kids on the planet. It was pretty was a given though, being the prawn of a living rock n' roll legend and one of the most famous actresses on the planet. Dad has his guitar as his savior and Mom had her camera. Dad taught us all how to play guitar once we could learn, and I was the only one that really picked it up. Lana wasn't at all bit interested in anything after the divorce, and all Kyla really wanted to do was help people. Lana got Dad's mysteriousness, Kyla got Mom's kind heart, and for me? I don't really know what I got. Everyone says I'm the mix between them both. They say that I'm kind, just like my Mom and have the slight personality similarities as well. I'm just not as... wild, luckily. They say I got both of my parent's talent. Mom taught all of us how to sing, and I got Dad's guitar abilities. So I had my band, Kyla had her organic organization and Lana had whatever the hell she wanted. Being Lana Davies, she could do whatever she wanted, really. She just chooses not to.

Dylan was good at everything. He was Daddy's little solider, so he followed him around pretty much any time that he could. Dad, of course, taught him how to play the guitar and he really really fucking loved it. I mean, just by the way that Dylan held it, you could tell that that was Raife Davies' kid. To everyone, he was just a genuinely happy kid. He was always smiling, laughing and singing. He was just like Christine.

Christine made sure I never blamed myself for Dylan. After Dylan passed, she told everyone that she needed to be alone and left for New York. I think that that is what made Lana the way she is. Lana was always quiet, but there's just something different about her now. Dad didn't quite know how to deal, so he just drowned himself in Purple Venom. It didn't surprise me at all. I was 15 at the time, so I understood everything very clearly about him. I was in the hospital most of the time, and all I can really remember was that Kyla and Lana were at my side the whole time. When I was released from the hospital, Lana drove us home. I don't think she had a license at the time, but I don't really think that matters much now. I just remember we came home and Mom was back. Lana was the first to hug her. I was in shock, so I couldn't really do anything. I didn't know if she blamed me for the accident, so I wasn't going to step on any toes. Instead, I just walked up to my room. Dad was there too. Once I got to my room, he sat on the bed with me and we talked. He told me that he and mom were getting a divorce. I was too hopped on the depressants to feel anything. I remember he told me that it wasn't our fault, and that it wasn't my fault especially for Dylan. I didn't believe him.

Christine came in that night. I remember that she thought I was sleeping. I was just laying in bed, looking out my window and she just talked to me. She just kept on talking. She talked about everything. She told me about Dylan, and how much of a good kid he was going to be. She told me about how she thought our futures were going to look like. She told me that she was sorry, and that she just needed to get away for a while because she was so sad. She told me that it wasn't my fault, and that's when she started to cry. I couldn't handle it anymore, so I just 'woke up' and hugged her. I hugged her and held my mom until she fell asleep.

That was the second worse night of my life.

"I thought you left," I walked into the kitchen and kissed Spencer on the cheek. She smiled at me. She was sitting at the counter, her hair pulled into a loose ponytail, clad in her UCLA sweatshirt and jeans, eating her cereal. "Class today?"

"Yep," she nodded as I poured myself a cup of coffee. "Film school is harder that I thought it'd be."

"Don't worry baby," I took a sip of my coffee. "It'll be over before you know it."

"I hope so," she yawned. "What're you doing today?"

I shrugged, "I don't know. Probably going to head to the studio or something. Might take Christine to lunch."

She smiled and got up, "She'd like that."

She kissed me on the cheek and grabbed her backpack, ready to go. I made a face and pulled her into a hug. She sighed into me, dropping her backpack, and wrapped her arms around my neck. I smiled. This is my favorite time of day.

"Okay," I pulled away and look over at the clock. 10:30. Oh fuck. "I'll see you."

"Alrighty," she grabbed her back pack and started walking to the door. "I love you."

"I love you too."

She left. I sighed.

Today is going to be eventful.

I'm an idiot. To prove to my love that I, indeed, to actually love her to fucking death, I invited her mother over to the flat, just to talk and discuss things with me. I definitely wanted to clear the air (I didn't want to spend the rest of my life with my mother in law hating my fucking guts) so at the time, it seemed like a good idea. I have yet to find out if this is true.

"Hello Ashley," Paula has a habit of walking in unannounced, which is even worse than my mom because Christine at least knocks before barging in. I sighed, looking at my attire; a wife beater and black lounge pants. I stood up off the counter once she walked in, pushing the contract I was reading underneath the newspaper.

I stood in front of the stove, which is in front of the counter that Paula is now sitting on. "Good morning, Mrs. Carlin. Would you care for a drink? Maybe some breakfast?"

She looked at me. I didn't really know what to do, so I just looked back at her. Her eyes were hard, cold and she was frowning deeply. She sighed disappointingly and waved at me, "Oh what the hell."

I smiled and looked into the refrigerator. As usual, we only have healthy shit in here.

I sighed and tried to work with it.

Whole wheat toast with egg whites, turkey bacon, and a grapefruit.

It doesn't sound very appetizing, I know.

"Arthur is jealous," Paula sighed. I smirked. Of all of them, I have the father's approval. "He seems to be in love with you or something."

I smiled, "You could have invited him. It would have been nice, I guess. Having breakfast with my girlfriend's parents."

"Girlfriend?" Paula stared at me. Oh shit. "You consider Spencer your girlfriend?"

"Well yeah," I shrugged, pouring the egg whites in the pan. I started to put the bread into the toaster, "We've been together for three years and all... So yeah, I would consider her my girlfriend."

"Not your partner?"

Well fuck's sake, is she going to find something wrong in everything that I say?

"Well... yeah," I put the egg whites on the plate and started on the bacon. "I just don't like saying... partner."

Paula made a face, "Why not?"

"Well," I gulped. "When you and Mr. Carlin were together we together for three years, did you go around calling him your partner?"

Paula sighed, "No, I guess not."

"It's nothing bad," I flipped the pieces. "It just makes me feel uncomfortable I guess. That's all."

"I understand," she says, but I know she doesn't. I sighed and put everything on the plates. She looked confused once she saw that I only made one plate and set it in front of her. "You're not going to eat?"

I shook my head, "I uhh... don't like eating in the morning."

I decided to not add in the part about how eating in the morning upsets the Enalapril dose I take once I wake up.

I smiled and tried to joke, "Don't tell Spencer that though. She always makes me eat in the morning."

She seemed to smile at that and started eating. I sighed and poured myself another cup of coffee. I'm going to need it.

"How are things?" She took a bite out of her toast.

I thought about how I should answer. If I should just be vague and say 'fine' or go into detail. If I should lie and tell her we're doing badly just to see her reaction.

"We're uhm..." I scanned my head to find the word. "Fantastic, actually."

"Well it's nice to know that my daughter doesn't care about my opinion," Paula rolled her eyes.

I fought back my own, "It's not that, Paula."

"Then what is it, Ashley?" She looked at me desperately. "Because I can't seem to understand this, at all. So why don't you explain it to me?"

I almost sighed, just because I knew I would need to be keeping my patience today. "Okay. Well, why don't we start from the beginning. What don't you understand?"

"This whole thing, if I'm being honest," she rolled her eyes again. I sighed into my cup of coffee. This is going to be a long fucking morning. "I mean, how could I not know my daughter liked girls in the first place? I mean, we don't really know that still."

I made a face, "Excuse me?"

"We still don't know if Spencer even likes girls," Paula sighed. "I mean, you could just be a thing. A onetime girl story."

I sighed and tried to keep from slapping her across the face.

Kidding.

Kind of.

"Paula, I know that I'm not just a onetime thing," I tried my best to smile. "Spencer is bi. She told me."

"What?" Paula made a face. "Ugh, how could she tell you and not me? Well, has she dated other girls besides you?"

"Of course."

"Oh god," Paula buried her head into her hands. I sighed.

"It's nothing to be torn up over."

"Yes, it is," she looked up at me. "You wouldn't know- you don't have a child."

"I know, but that doesn't mean I don't know."

"What?"

"You act like its some sinful act or something."

"It is!"

"That's the thing!" I made a face. I can't believe how people think these days. "It's not. I mean, you act like Spencer is out killing people. I understand that it's hard to get used to, after knowing a certain Spencer for 20 years, but you don't understand that she's the same Spencer. She's nothing different. The only thing different now is that I'm standing next to her."

She made a face, "We don't know that you'll be there forever."

"Paula, I'm not going anywhere," I had had enough already. This is getting ridiculous. "I am not going anywhere. You can try to take her away from me, in fact, I dare you to try to take her away from me but I promise you that you won't succeed. I love your daughter, alright? I love her and I'm going to be around until she orders me away. This is how it will always be."

She looked surprised at me, and so was I. Of course, this was in my head and heart for 3 years now, but I never thought that anyone would hear it out loud. Especially not Paula Carlin.

The silence was cut off by Paula's cell phone. She sighed and answered it, "Hello?"

I relaxed and started thinking. Just about Spencer, and everything relating. It was a no brainer about how I knew that I wanted to be with her for the rest of my life and if she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me, I'd marry her in a second. Well, it'd probably take a bit longer than that because Christine wants to plan it and you know Christine. The partner thing crossed my mind. I mean, Spencer is my partner. I make decisions with her in mind. She's my partner in life. And she always will be.

If she wants to be, that is.

Paula broke me out of my daze. She looked... blank. Frightened even, which made me scared. "You okay? What's wrong?"

Her eyes found mine. They were terrified, and watery. "Spencer's been in an accident."

**AN: Alrighty, so this fic is scheduled to end in about 3 more chapters. In all honesty, this fic is my favorite to write, but I would rather not drag this on too much. So now I'm just trying to post everything so I can move on. I have a sequel in mind and everything, but I'm not sure if I'm going to go through with it, because I've seemed to be losing reviews and such. I don't really mind what the reviews say; I just want to know that at least someone is reading and of course, it's always lovely to get feedback whether it's a message or review.**

**Anyways, let me know what you think. And let me know if you would like a sequel of not.**

**Thanks.**


	14. Wake Up

**AN: Aha, you guys are so cute. Thanks you guys, I really appreciate everything. And I will go through with the sequel (:**

**The next chapter is planned to be the last chapter, but I might split it into two. We'll see.**

**Enjoy~**

Spencer.

Spencer.

Spencer.

That's all that I could think about. Usually, that's not a something rare, but it's rare that these thoughts that are swirling around my head and won't go away, are bad. At that second, it didn't really matter anymore that Paula hated me. It didn't matter that I didn't feed Kiki. It didn't matter that Kyla didn't come over that week to clean out our refrigerator.

All that mattered was Spencer.

I mean, who the hell is going to feel Kiki when I don't? Who am I going to drop off to school every Monday? Who's going to help me get Paula on my side? Who's going to keep Christine company while I'm not home? Who's going to talk to Lana when she's being all creepy and sitting in the back? Who's going to wash the dishes after they have already been in the dishwasher? Who am I going to cook dinner for at night? Who's going to lecture me about drinking when I come home drunk? Who the fuck am I going to hold at night?

Who the hell am I going to love?

Never any other than Spencer.

"Ashley, calm down."

I don't know who it is, but everyone is here. Here would be the hospital Spencer is currently in and everyone would consist of; Glen, Clay, Arthur, Paula, Christine, Lana, and Kyla. Everyone is sitting in the waiting room. Paula is off yelling at random doctors to let her in on the info because she 'is a doctor and can fucking handle it.' I can't, which is why I am pacing around the waiting room while everyone stares at me like I'm crazy.

And I am.

"Why hasn't anyone come to tell us anything?" I rub my hands together as I face my family. "I mean seriously, what the fuck could they be doing? She could be all fine and dandy and walking around to get some jello and we wouldn't even know for fuck's sake."

The thought that I was currently cussing in front of my soon to be father in law crossed my mind for a moment, but that didn't really seem to matter. And yes, I say soon to be because there's nothing that will keep Spencer from being my wife.

"Ashley Berlin Davies, sit your ass down." Christine glared at me. I immediately did so because you don't fuck with Christine when she's upset. I just sighed since the fact that I was sitting didn't do much to keep me at ease, so Christine rubbed my back. "She'll be fine. It was just a minor car accident, okay? The car didn't even hit her side of the car."

"It's Spencer, mom."

She just looked at me. I could tell that she understood why I was being like this then. You could see it her eyes, and she could have probably seen it in mine. She would have been the same way if my dad was in the hospital, even though they aren't even married anymore. She would be the same as I if her husband, Jeff whom she loves beyond belief was here. She would be the exact same if Kyla, Lana or even I was in there.

Kyla rubbed my back, "It'll be fine, Ash."

I didn't believe so.

A doctor came strolling by, so I immediately stood straight up.

"Spencer Carlin."

He looked at me oddly, like he didn't know what the fuck I was talking about. But then he nodded, as if now he suddenly understood me. "Are you family?"

"I will be."

He looked at me weirdly again, "What does that me-"

"We are," Arthur came standing behind me. He put a hand on my shoulder. "I'm her father, and yes, she is a part of the family. Could you tell me how my daughter is please?"

The doctor, who read to be Dr. Eric Templin sighed, "Well, your daughter suffered from serious head injuries. It was a head on collision, but luckily it hit the right side of the car. She of course has bumps and bruises, but she hit her head really hard on the dash. She's asleep now, but you could see her if you'd like. She's in room 404."

I ran.

Literally.

I took the stairs to the fourth floor, because the elevator would have been much too long. When I got there, there was some blonde chick in a nursing gown so I thought it was a nurse and didn't really care, so I just went up to Spencer and grabbed her hand. One was broken, the right one, which I could tell she would be pissed about because she's right handed. She had gauze wrapped around her head, which made me wince at the sight, but I was surprised that she wasn't hooked up to many machines.

All in all, she still looked beautiful to me.

"You got here fast," the nurse said from behind me. I turned around to tell her to fuck off, but I realized that it was Paula. I sighed.

"It's Spencer."

"Yeah I understand," she put the clipboard she was holding down and looked at me holding Spencer's hand. She didn't really say anything, she just stared. "Where's Arthur?"

"They went to the food court," Christine smiled at Paula as she strolled in. I sat down, still holding Spencer's hand. I felt safe now. Kyla and Lana came in. "They wanted to get Spencer some jello for when she wakes up."

"Alright," Paula smiled and started walking toward the door. "I'll leave you all to it then."

She exited. I didn't really care as much as I thought I would; because I was too busy staring at Spencer.

Kyla strolled onto the other side and sat down on the right side of Spencer's bed. Lana took a seat on the chair next to her, both staring at Spencer and occasionally sighing. Christine took a seat next to me, and started rubbing my back again.

"What're you thinking?" Kyla asked, still staring at Spencer.

"I regret." I traced Spencer's knuckles, which were red and bruised.

"What do you mean?" Lana rested her hands on the bed.

"Spencer told me that she always wanted a bunny," I gulped, hating that I was actually saying this out loud to anyone. "She told me that it was one of her dreams as a kid, but I was afraid for Kiki so I never got one. One day, I decided what the fuck I should just get her one already, so I did. Well, I didn't but I planned on it. I planned on getting this cute, this really cute gray one from that store in Bel Air, but when Spencer left me that night so I didn't."

"Well," Christine cleared her throat. "Then when she's back home, get her a bunny."

"She hates Kiki," I gulped again. This was all just pouring out. I never thought, my mouth just moved. "Well, she doesn't hate her- because I don't think it's really possible for Spencer to hate anything- but I uhm, I think that she hates that I love Kiki. And I guess I understand that now because when I was in Bel Air about to get the bunny, I was thinking about how it'll change. About how Spencer could maybe even love this fricken bunny more than she loves me. I mean, it's possible right? And how fucked up could that be, that I bought the thing that Spencer left me for? I guess that's why I didn't want to get the damned rabbit in the first place. Maybe I was just scared."

"Ash, that's not possible," Lana chuckled, looking across at me.

"What?"

"Spencer could never love anything more than she loves you."

I sighed, looking back over to Spencer. I wanted to talk to her, to desperately pour my heart to her; just to see if that would be the cure to bring her back to me. But I couldn't, not with my family here. The thing with me is that I like things private. I think that's the thing that fucks me up when it comes to relationships. I like to keep what's between us... between us. I think it's just more... special then, well to me at least. I like knowing that she's the only one that knows who I really am when I'm with her. I like knowing that I'm the only one that knows who she really is when she's with me. I don't want to share our love with the world. Call me selfish, but her love is for me.

As mine is for her.

My sisters can read my mind, which is why the stood up and started to exit the room. Christine kissed me on the forehead and began leaving, "We'll leave you to it."

I sighed, eternally thankful for having my family understand. It was nice to have such a great family when dealing with one that wasn't so... understanding.

"Spence," I could feel a tear slide down my cheek but I didn't care to wipe it. I promised myself that I wouldn't cry, but technically I wasn't. There were tears, but I wasn't sobbing or gasping for air or anything. There were only tears. "I'm sorry I never got you that bunny. I was going to, I swear but... I don't know."

I gulped, "And I'm sorry for having you wait so long for me. I know I never expressed it as much, but I am. I guess I'm just really scared to bring it up now because well... maybe you'll realize what a dipshit I am and leave me again, and I don't really think that I could handle that again."

"But I am sorry," I sighed as more tears came. "I was just trying to protect you from getting hurt, and it hurt you in the process of it. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry for not making you that pasta thing that you like when you asked for it last Thursday, but I'll make it the first night you come back home, okay? I'll make it, so that's why you have to wake up."

I looked down, sighing. I was full on crying now. No gasps, or sobs, but the tears were full on. "You have to wake up, okay? I can't handle losing you again. And I uh, I know that I'm shit at this whole... life thing, and that I have nothing really to offer you. But I've got myself, and I promise that I'll give you everything I've got now. Absolutely everything. I can't handle not having you here, Spence. You need to come back to me."

I gulped again, fighting back a sob. I looked down at our hands and brought them to my lips. I kissed all of her bruised knuckles. "I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you."

There was a noise at the door, so I immediately wiped my tears to have a look. Paula stood, leaning against the door, arms across her chest, smiling at me with her own tears in her eyes.

It's just another thing Spencer has to wake up for.


	15. The Finale

Spencer hasn't woken up for three days now.

What a minor accident. I don't know any minor accidents that leave you in a coma for 3 whole days. I kept up, though. It was hard, of course. Hard to just sit with Spencer and not have her actually be there. I talked to her about anything that came up on my mind, really. Most days I just held her hand and talked to her. My wallet has been allowing me to stay here beyond visiting hours, so I sleep next to Spencer. I haven't been home for 3 days. I shower in the bathroom Spencer has in her room, and someone usually brings me normal food. Not this hospital crap. Kyla brings me clothes and keeps my refrigerator packed. They all visit every day. Lana, Kyla, Christine, all the Davies. Even the band does. Aiden, Craig and Chris all came one day with CJ. CJ made Spencer a little card telling her to get better and how much he missed her, which I thought was cute as can be. They pretty much love Spencer just as much as I do, so that's not at all surprising. Paula has been pretty much working here. She's always checking Spencer's everything and making sure she knows what's going on with her at all times. I have a feeling she's getting annoyed with me though. I think she knows that I won't leave Spencer, and it pisses her off. Maybe the fact that I'm paying the hospital for them to let me stay pisses her off. I don't know, but she resents me for something.

"How is she today?" Paula asks as she walks into Spencer's hospital room. I feel a bit bad for a second because I'm laying next to Spencer, stroking her hair. She doesn't notice me though, so I have time to slip out of the bed while Paula looks over the clipboard.

I sit back in my seat next to Spencer's bed, "Same as always, I guess."

She sighed and looked at me, her hands on her hips and clipboard still in hand. "You're never going to leave are you?"

I made a face. That was the last thing I was expecting to come out of her mouth. "Excuse me?"

I could feel my heart beat pick up. Pounding, pounding, pounding, pounding, pounding. It was different from all the other times though. It was... reliving? It just felt... different.

I'm going to need an Enalapril soon.

"You just aren't going to leave are you?" She goes over to check Spencer's pulse. At my lack of answer, she looks up at me. "Hm?"

"Well... no," I sat back. "I'm not going to leave."

She sighed disappointingly at me. I just shrugged at her.

"Well," She sat down across the bed, across from me. "She really does love you."

"Yeah," I nodded, sighing. "I love her too."

"So, what is this whole thing anyway?" She crossed her arms. I looked up at her. Uh oh.

"I don't know what you mean."

"Do you plan to spend the rest of your life with her?" Her eyes were trying to bore into mine, but I couldn't let them. She succeeded though, and I dissolved because Spencer has her eyes.

"If Spencer wanted to spend the rest of her life with me," I nodded. That wasn't the most truthful answer. I could have been plain out honest and said yes, but I felt the need to honor her daughter in some way. "Yes, of course. I'll honor both you and Christine with a wedding."

She sighed again, "You're prepared for a wedding with my daughter then? You want to marry her?"

"It's not really the wedding I'm looking forward to," I shrugged, looking up at her. "It's more of the marriage that I'm excited about."

She nodded, "You think that you're prepared for marriage?"

"I don't think it's really that hard if you're going through it with someone you really really love."

She sighed, nodding. I'm sick of hearing sighs already. "What about kids?"

"Uhm," I scratched my head. "What about it?"

"Do you want any? Have you discussed it with Spencer at all?"

"Yes, we've discussed it," I rubbed my cheek. My heart slowed down a bit. "Cayden and Everett."

"What?"

"Those are the names we've got picked out," I gulped. "Cayden and Everett."

"You've got it all figured out then," she sighed again- which almost made me roll my eyes- and stood up, walking toward the door. "Don't hurt her, Ashley."

She left, closing the door behind her, leaving me confused as fuck. Did I just get Paula Carlin's blessing?

"You shouldn't you know," came Spencer's raspy voice from behind me. I instantly turned toward her, standing for no reason at all, shocked and as happy as you could ever imagine. She smiled at me, "Water please? My throat is dry."

I smiled at her and got my little cup of water. I went over to her and set the straw in her mouth so she could drink. Over the past three days, I had been applying Chap Stick to Spencer's lips every morning, afternoon, and night because I know that Spencer has a thing about chapped lips. Once she was done drinking (which took a while because she drank the whole cup).

"Spencer," I leaned down, putting my hand on her neck to kiss her. She smiled into the kiss and kissed me an additional 4 times. Her lips felt better now that they were on mine.

She smiled at me once I pulled back, "I missed you."

"Should I go call a doctor?" I asked, thinking about her mom again for a second. She shook her head smiling. She looked beautiful.

"No. Why? I feel fine now," She patted the side of her, "Lay down."

"I don't want to hurt you-"

"Spencer!" Paula rushed back in, making me sigh, and hugged her daughter right when she got to her. I made a face, slightly smiling, as nice as this was, I wanted to ask Spencer something. "Perfect timing."

"What?" Spencer smiled and grabbed my hand, which Paula didn't know how to react to. I just sat down in my seat, still holding Spencer's hand. "Perfect timing?"

"Well finally you're awake," Glen, Clay, Arthur, and the ladies of my family all came pouring in. They all each went and had their turns hugging Spencer, and asking their oblivious 'are you alright? How are you feeling?' questions. Christine, of course, hugged Spencer and proceeded to tell her about a 'magic wine' that has healing powers or some shit, which made me roll my eyes and Paula make a face. I kept a real smile on though. Everyone in the room was my family now. The Carlins and the Davies. Spencer just looked so happy with everyone there, talking and getting along. Arthur and Christine were talking about recipes in front of Spencer's bed. Paula was checking Spencer's stuff and later left to call a regular doctor. Lana and Kyla were talking about the zoo they have in their house, and Clay and Glen were talking about football or something.

I smiled at my Spencer, "I-"

"I heard everything, you know."

I made a face, "What?"

"What you said," She sat up, smiling at me. I rested my elbows on her bed. The three days was enough time to heal the cut on her head so she no longer wore the gauze around her head. She sat up again, "I heard everything from 'You're not going to leave are you?'."

"That's when you woke up?" I chuckled, looking at her. She smiled, nodding. I just laughed at the irony. She woke up to hear my confessing love for her to her mother. And she woke up at the exact moment that my heart had decided to ache for a bit; a good ache. All it did was further sink the realization that Spencer and I, are indeed, meant to be.

After today, In 3 months, In 2 weeks, In 3 years, In the past, In the future, Tomorrow, Today, Yesterday, The day after tomorrow, Before Today.

Forever.

**Well, there you have it. Last chapter. I know, it's really cheesy and lame. Anyways, thanks for following this, and I really hoped you all liked it.**

**I'm having a dilemma on what to name the sequel. It'll either be Cosmic Love or Shine.**

**Any thoughts on what I should go with?**

**Despite that, the sequel should be up soon.**

**Anyways, tell me what you think. **

**Again, thank you all. **


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